


This Is Part Of Growing Up

by berava



Series: This is Part of Growing Up [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Feelings, First Crush, Kiba Doesn't 'Get' Love, M/M, Scents & Smells, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-06-04 02:24:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6637213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berava/pseuds/berava
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kiba's sense of smell is one of the best in the village, but in his most turbulent years it seems to have more control over him than he does over it. His first crush comes some years too late, and now he's trying to wrap his head around the mess its making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hit Like a Brick

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to play around with Kiba's sense of smell, and how it effects things for him. 
> 
> Gonna be a bit of a slow burn. Maybe more pairings will work their way in as it goes.

Kiba Inuzuka had never thought he'd be the one to feel out of place among his peers. He'd always been outgoing and made friends easily—at least, it seemed like it. He certainly wasn't LACKING in friends, and, unlike his teammates, he suffered from no form of confusion or discomfort when it came to relating to them. When he stood out, it was because he wanted to. So when the moment came for him to feel 'irregular', he didn't really know how to process it.   
It was one of those rare moments where there was no work or training to be done. They—that is, himself and some of his fellow genin—had settled themselves on a wide rooftop, resting in the shadow of a water tower and snacking from a paper bag of pastries that Hinata had made. He, Hinata, Shikamaru's team, and Sakura lounged where they were out of view of passing superiors who might scold them for laziness. Shikamaru, of course, was about the only chunin he knew who encouraged it.  
The conversation was innocent enough: emotions and love and that sort of thing. Shikamaru had grumbled about 'stupid girl talk', and earned himself a thump on the head from Ino.   
The two more outgoing girls bickered about their shared crush for a moment, but moved on from it with a surprising amount of peace. Hinata came under attack for her obvious feelings towards Naruto, and Chouji faced some teasing for his 'bad luck' with girls. Though Kiba couldn't recall a single one of them having any luck. It was when Ino turned wickedly shining eyes on him, that Kiba was in trouble.  
“I bet it won't be long before you're chasing girls all over the village.”  
Kiba didn't know, yet, that he was in trouble, and so only blinked and asked, “Why would I chase girls?”  
Ino shrugged with a self-assured smile, “Or boys, whatever. But if anyone's gonna be a hound dog, it's you, right?”  
Kiba blinked again, looking at each of them to see some agreement in their faces. He felt strange, but unsure as to why. So he didn't argue, shoulders hunching up towards his ears.  
“Yeah, I mean,” Sakura chimed in, sitting with her knees drawn and her arms looped lazily around them, “You're just kinda... like that, y'know? Aggressive, full on. The sort of guy with a string of lovers, if this was a cheesy romance novel.”  
A ripple of laughter passed over them. Light-hearted, he knew. No mean intentions behind their amusement. But he felt a jab of discomfort in his chest, felt his cheeks and ears flush hot with a peculiar sort of humiliation. He shrugged, tugged at his hood, and said nothing more as the conversation carried on without him as the focus. He was definitely thinking about it now, though.  
Somehow he wasn't really surprised to learn that that's what they expected of him. It WAS a surprise that hearing them say it out loud made him feel so abnormal, to the point that he was scared to tell them: 'No. That's not how I am'.   
“We all know Shikamaru's gonna be the last one to get anywhere,” Ino said with a grin, putting her hands behind her head and leaning back on one of the tower's support posts, “Courting a girl would be too much effort.” So Kiba would chase, but Shikamaru would court. The implications weren't flattering.   
This all was very confusing. Love and attraction. So straight-forward and frequent, they said it was. Even though they were in love, there were plenty of other attractive people around. Chouji agreed, there were lots of girls with nice smiles and gentle hearts. They were swayed by how people acted and how people looked; faces and actions and words were what pulled people to each other. That's what they'd said.  
If that were the case, and if Kiba were a 'chaser', then naturally he would want and pursue as many people as possible. But it wasn't the case... Apparently he wasn't normal, like them. They hadn't said it but that was what they meant, even if they didn't know they meant it.  
Hinata offered him the last pastry. The way she looked at him showed that she'd noticed his quietness when the others hadn't. He grinned and took it, devouring it in three bites and pretending he didn't notice her watching him pensively.   
“I still think you should let me set you up on a blind date, Shikamaru,” Ino nudged the boy's side with her foot and he groaned from where he lay prone, doing little more than trying to wave her away.   
“No.”  
“Why not? It would be fun!”  
“It would be fun for you!” he huffed, rolling onto his side so she couldn't reach his weak spots with her jabbing foot. “And you're right, it would be too troublesome.”  
“What about you, Chouji?” Sakura chimed in, lighting up at the idea of romance. “A date with a pretty girl and barbecue!”  
“That does sound nice,” he mumbled, smiling awkwardly and turning pink, “But no thanks. It's fun to talk about, but I don't think I'm ready for dating...”  
“Kiba?”  
“How am I supposed to chase them if you do it for me?”  
He'd just meant to joke with them, but his unjustified hurt feelings let bitterness creep into his words and they looked at him with open uncertainty.   
“Is everything ok?” Ino finally asked with the kind of meekness that came with the realization that one might have unintentionally said something insulting.  
Kiba hesitated, then grinned again and swallowed the feeling. “Yeah, of course.”  
“Uh huh...” She didn't believe him. How could she? They knew him well enough after, what? Six years? But they knew he was stubborn, too, so he could play this game all afternoon. She dropped it, but the conversation shifted abruptly now that he'd soured their romance kick.  
They, mostly Sakura and Ino, started talking about medical techniques and recent advancements of such. Nothing to interest Kiba, but they somehow pulled Chouji into talk of medicinal pills. Shikamaru was watching Kiba the same way Hinata had.   
That was something he couldn't ignore, not with the quirk of the other boy's eyebrows. Shikamaru only got that look when he was trying to puzzle something out, and if nothing else he would pursue answers relentlessly. Kiba immediately regretted his unfortunate lack of filter.  
From medicine they moved to recent missions, from there on to what trickle of news from out of the village they had heard. Eventually Kiba's temper settled enough to join in, again, and Ino looked visibly more comfortable.  
It didn't last as long as they'd have liked, though. One of Kiba's outbursts of laughter drew the notice of a higher ranking shinobi passing by, and they were lectured into dispersing and finding better use of their time. Back on the street below, they decided they may as well see to errands, at last, and for the most part went their separate ways. Kiba made for home, feeling good about the time they spent together despite the awkward situation.

At least, he did feel good about it until he noticed Shikamaru fall into step beside him. He would have sworn aloud if Shikamaru didn't speak first.  
“Those girls... That love stuff is all they seem to care about.”  
“Ah, that's not true,” Kiba shoved his hands deep into his pockets, “It's probably just a nice distraction. Like when I talk about walking Akamaru. Or you and your weird thing with clouds.”  
“You seemed pretty bothered by it before.”  
Kiba gave him a dirty look out of the corner of his eye, “I'm not gonna let you prod at me until your curiosity is satisfied.”  
Shikamaru turned his mouth up irritably, “You make it hard for people to care about you.”  
He had no snappy response for that. If Shikamaru meant to make him feel guilty, it worked. “I guess I was kinda bothered. Probably not by what you think, though.”  
“Then what?”  
Kiba looked at him and narrowed his eyes, hesitating a moment before he asked, “How much of this is curiosity and not concern?”  
“An appropriate amount. It's mostly concern, you don't usually get quiet-angry. It's a lot better when you shout, at least then we know you're acting normal.”  
That word made Kiba squirm, eyes turning downcast for the few seconds it took for him to realize he was doing it. He made firm eye contact with Shikamaru again, to assure himself that his position wasn't weakened by his moment of insecurity.  
“Well..?”  
The self-assurance seeped away as soon as he'd managed to gather it. He sighed, turning down a narrow side street that passed between a tea shop and somebody's front stoop.  
“All that stuff they said... The way they described being attracted to someone... Is that really how it is? Is it as easy to catch as they make it sound?” Kiba paused for a brief second, before plowing on with his questions without waiting for an answer, “Am I really supposed to experience it that way?”  
That was the real weight on his mind. He knew that what he'd asked first must be true, or there wouldn't have been an unanimous agreement from them earlier.   
“Should I have already felt it over and over by now?”  
“How does it feel for you?”  
Kiba was stunned by that. He hadn't thought too deeply on it, having found himself caught up on the rest of the mess. There was a long silence as he tried to figure it out, coming to a stop at the centre of a short bridge. It arched over a canal, covered by a red roof and empty save for the two of them.  
“When they talk about it—when ANYONE talks about it, it sounds like such a comfortable experience. Like, sure, it has its up and downs. People don't feel the same, or don't see how one person likes them, but... What I mean is: it's gradual. They spend time with someone, they find the qualities in them that they like and they... I dunno, I guess they fixate on them? But not... You know? They get all these warm feelings, but there's lots of places for them to find it. People fall for other people all the time.”  
“You don't?”  
Rubbing the back of his neck, Kiba leaned on the railing and eyed Shikamaru with nervous confusion, “I guess not... It probably won't make any sense.”  
“Try me.”  
“I'm gonna sound like a total weirdo.”  
“You've always been a weirdo.”  
Kiba paused. Somehow, that made him feel a little bit better. Finally, with a begrudging sigh, he resigned himself to the awkward process of trying to explain something about himself that he didn't really understand.  
“It's how people smell,” he muttered, looking down at his feet, “Nothing else really seems to make a difference. I mean... it DOES matter. How people are matters to how I feel, obviously. Whether I like who they are. But who they are doesn't matter when it comes to being, you know...”  
He started to blush, lifting his gaze to Shikamaru's face and giving him an expectant look. Thankfully, Shikamaru was merciful and finished his thought for him.  
“Attracted?”  
“Yeah.”  
Shikamaru gave a slow nod, like he understood to some degree. But he waited patiently for Kiba to continue, and the fanged boy took in a deep breath to prepare himself.  
“I never really thought it was that big a deal until what they said today. And I guess it probably doesn't really seem like one now... But I know I'm not going to fall in love over and over again, I'm not going to feel things the way everyone else does. What if I never do? What if who I like and who attracts me never matches up? I'll either be with someone I don't feel attracted to, or be with someone who's a potentially awful person.”  
“Why do you have to be with anyone?”  
“Because I want to be,” Kiba was ashamed of the small whine in his voice, but didn't bother to try and cover it, “I like attention, I like... I like what that kind of attention sounds like. Catching feelings sounds... nice.”  
“You've never? Not at all?”  
“I'm not really sure,” Kiba halted suddenly, realizing what confession they were suddenly heading towards and scrambling to find an out, “It's not so easy to tell, with how overwhelming smell can be.”  
“I get that, I suppose,” Shikamaru scratched the side of his head and eyed Kiba thoughtfully, “Like how smelling a certain food can bring out powerful feelings of nostalgia, or how bad smells can be physically sickening.”  
“Pretty much, yeah. When it happens, it feels intense. If attraction is easy for everyone else, it's the complete opposite for me. Instead of a steady rise, it's like a flood. And it comes back every time that person's smell is around. It's confusing. That's the best word for it. Knocks your brain on it's ass. And I guess it doesn't go away just because of who they are or what they do.”  
“Well, I don't know anything about that. But I get why you were put out. That's pretty... different. But you know, I figure your family knows what it's like. I can't really help you, but I bet they could.”  
Kiba bit his lip, then smiled broadly and nodded, “You're right. They'll probably want to give me The Talk, but I guess I have to just power through it. Thanks.”  
“No problem.”  
“Really.” Kiba's insistence made Shikamaru hesitate. “Thanks for asking. I think I needed to hear it out loud to make any sense of it.”  
Shikamaru cracked a grin and put both hands behind his hand, seeming pleased with the turn of events, “Yeah, yeah. You're welcome. That's what friends are for, right?”  
“Right.”  
“So,” Shikamaru's grin turned coy, his eyes hooded and devious as he gave Kiba a look that made the other boy very, very nervous. “Who did that to you?”  
Embarrassment flooded Kiba's face, and he inwardly cursed his body's complete inability to keep itself in check. Beneath the lighthearted embarrassment was a sinking feeling, brought closer to the surface when that face popped up in his head. All wicked, crooked grins and harsh face paint. That natural, pervasive scent underneath sweat and dirt and a faint trace of oil and chemicals.  
He hadn't smelt him the first time he'd seen him. The smell of blood was overpowering, almost as overpowering as the smell of fear. So he hadn't smelt him. The second time, he did, but that excited rush found itself mixed and confused with his own terror in the face of the brutal young Sand ninja. He hadn't known it for what it was, then.  
It wasn't until he'd been carried back to Konoha after his fight on the river bank, that he'd noticed it was something different. It was almost impossible for him to smell anything else, then, carried in the older boy's arms because his back was already occupied by machines that reeked of poison and death. Kiba's face was tucked close to his saviour's collar bone, blood loss leaving him too weak to hold himself up.   
Nobody's natural scent smelt like anything else. That wasn't how scents worked. But there was no way to describe them except by comparing them as best you could to things that other people knew. In the painfully long time it took for them to make it back to the safety of the village, his nose and his mind were filled with something reminiscent of dry, open plains in the hottest part of summer. Not exactly that. Not like grass or summer individually, but... He didn't know how to make it clearer to himself. But it poured into his head, the effects of it mercifully lessened by the dire situation.   
Later, when he and his endlessly loyal dog were healed and in the clear, he wasn't so lucky. But before he could think too hard on how he'd been pulled to Kankurou—as though hooks where buried deep in his guts to drag him around on ridiculous, needy fantasies—he realized he should find some way to avoid Shikamaru's question.   
“None of your business!”  
“Seriously?!”  
Kiba screwed his face up into an exaggerated glare, “You heard me!”  
“Geez... This is what I get for wanting to help you.”  
“You should help people just to be nice, not to get dirt on them.”  
Not as though he truly believed that's all that Shikamaru wanted, but it made him stop asking questions. The other boy just huffed and hid his hands in his pockets, grumbling.  
“Fine. Guess I did what I wanted, anyway.”  
Suddenly, Kiba was struck with a thought and caught Shikamaru by the elbow when he turned to continue across the bridge. Shikamaru turned back to face him and blinked.  
“Shikamaru. How do you feel about Ino liking Sasuke..? I mean, still. After the shitty things he did. He's obviously an asshole, but she has feelings for him. What do you think of that?”  
“Uh,” Shikamaru shifted his feet, gaze turning upward as he thought out his answer, “I guess it's kind of frustrating. I don't want someone I'm so close to to be with someone like that. But it's not like she can just turn it off once the feeling is there. It's not actually as easy as they make it sound.”  
“So you don't think she's a bad person for wanting someone who's not, y'know... good? Nice?”  
“Of course not. You know her, she's not a bad person. Feelings stick to you. You can't just brush them off and make them go away.”  
Kiba swallowed and licked his lips anxiously, “What about me? If I said I wanted someone who was not the best person... Even if I'm not even sure there's any emotions involved. Would you think less of me?”  
“I don't really know, Kiba. I'd have to know what you mean by 'not the best'.”  
His insides twisted up nervously, and he decided to keep that particular detail to himself. So he shook his head and smiled awkwardly, “Nevermind. It'll probably never happen again anyway.”


	2. Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whenever someone says something won't happen, its definitely going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly its just fun writing Kiba. And feelings. Enjoy.

When Kiba saw the first fallen leaves of the year, he was happy. Some people loved summer for it's warmth and excitement, some people loved winter for the beauty of snow, he loved autumn for its cool winds and vibrant colors. It was one of those things he kept to himself, one of his calmer indulgences. Just like how he liked watching the sun rise, or how he'd doodle (with no real skill) when he needed to soothe his usually high energy temperament.   
In the weeks following those first discarded leaves, he spent every possible moment outside so he could watch the trees turn to gold and bathe in the scents of hot foods and seasonal flavors. Hinata and Shino were content to join him, much of their training undertaken in the forest and almost all of their downtime spent wandering the outskirts of the village to find their fun. For Shino, it was his last chance to bug-watch before the frost, and on that particular day they were aiding him in the gentle capture of a beetle species that the Aburame's hoped to propagate over the winter. Their numbers had been dwindling drastically, and Shino's father worried that they might take a large hit this year.  
“What about this one?”  
Shino leaned towards Kiba and carefully inspected the bug crawling up his finger. “No. That's a common species, they'll make it through hibernation.”  
Kiba worked his mouth uncertainly, lifting his finger up in front of his eyes, “What about this little guy in particular?”  
“I'm not sure.”  
“Let's just put him in the box, anyway.”  
Shino made a low, annoyed noise and held the small, glass box to his chest, turning away so Kiba couldn't grab at it, “You can't do this for every one you pick up, Kiba. Nature has its own way.”  
“But-!”  
“Guys,” Hinata called out in her soft voice, the usual timidness she bore gone since she was alone with her two closest friends, “I think I found some.”  
Shino got up from where he crouched and went to her side, leaving Kiba to sigh and put the bug back on a leaf with a grumbled apology. Couldn't help all of them... It was Shino's fault he even CARED.  
He stayed kneeling in the dirt, carefully probing through the bushes the way Shino had taught them. There wasn't much to find, not in comparison to the months that had just passed where you couldn't walk ten feet without something trying to fly up your nose. It was a little sad to think about.  
Kiba's nose twitched, the very edge of a scent pulling his head up curiously. It was faint, the source of it a street or two away and out of sight. But a tremor passed down his spine, hands clumsily grasping at the thin branches as he got to his feet and took a few steps in the direction of the smell. The familiarity of it was strong, but his brain was slow on the uptake and took a few long seconds to put a person to the scent.  
“Oh no,” he groaned, scooping up Akamaru and tucking him into the front of his coat. The little dog had caught the scent too, but had reacted with an eagerness that made Kiba worry he would run off to greet the last person he wanted to be around. Of course Akamaru would want to see him... He'd saved their lives. The dog didn't have any mental hang ups, only the unconditional affection that only dogs were capable of.   
He sighed and joined his friends, shoulders hunched and mouth set irritably. Not for the first time, he envied the simple hearts of canines. Smell was how they knew everything. Faces didn't matter, and actions only mattered so far as how threatening they were. A dog didn't like someone more because they fed the homeless, or less because they struggled to get through the day. They'd love a beggar as much as a Lord until they had a reason not to.   
That's what it was meant to be, Kiba thought. But this heightened sense, the one that served him so well in battle or day-to-day, clashed horribly with the complicated emotions of being human. He groaned again, more loudly and more angrily this time, hands raking through his already wild hair. This was stupid! He could go months and months without a single thought tossed in that direction, but that jerk could just wander into the village like it was nothing... Why were they even here?  
“Are you ok, Kiba?” Hinata gave him a gentle frown, holding Shino's bug box while he happily gathered as many of the insects as he could without frightening them.  
“No!”  
They both looked at him, Shino with his eyebrows raised. Neither were surprised. They knew he was emotional... He could have laughed at that, for some reason. He was. He was SO emotional, and look where it was getting him. Why was he thinking about this, again? His mind was trying to run down half a dozen paths at once, none of the thoughts linked to one another except at that one annoying anchor point from the Land of Wind.  
“I just... ugh!” he threw his hands up and paced back and forth in front of them. He wasn't sure what he was feeling, everything tangling itself up in his belly. He was angry, and excited. He paused, pouting down at the dirt path. He was angry because he was excited. He'd smelt Kankurou and wanted to go running to him the way Akamaru did. And that was humiliating.  
“Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and looking at them, “Did I scare them off?”  
“Yes.” Shino spoke bluntly and Kiba winced, but the other boy put a hand on his shoulder, “But it's ok. Because you're upset, and that's a bigger problem.”  
“Shino...”  
He was a great guy, really. Kiba smiled weakly, looking from Shino to Hinata and feeling glad he had them. He should tell them the truth... They'd be understanding. Maybe even helpful. Hinata knew a lot about feelings, and Shino probably knew a lot about being stunted in them. Kiba wasn't sure which way he leaned; were they there, or not? Maybe they could help.  
But when he looked at them, staring at him with open worry, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. The scent was gone and the rush was fading, and all he wanted to do was enjoy the rest of his afternoon with them without all the drama playing itself out in his head. He grinned and swooped in, one arm catching around both of them and pulling them into a tight hug.   
Hinata returned it easily and Shino heaved a long-suffering sigh, but by now they'd grown accustomed to him and simply took it for the 'I love you guys' that it was.

 

“Kiba, you look exhausted!”  
Kiba dragged his feet as he walked, practically feeling the dark bags sitting heavy under his eyes. Hinata walked to his left, Shino to his right, and he was hugging Akamaru to his chest as though it brought him comfort.   
“I am,” he groaned, head bobbing down. Akamaru took the opportunity to lick his nose. “I didn't fall asleep until early this morning. And now we've got all these stupid missions to run... I hate everything.”  
“They're simple errands,” Shino said, fishing the mission statements out of his pocket, “Delivery, delivery, yard work—oh, Kiba. Dog walking.” He waved the paper under Kiba's nose, hoping to entice him. The Inuzuka boy did manage a half-grin.  
“Nice.”  
“See? Simple.”  
“And we'll be sure to take a break or two,” Hinata chimed in with a warm smile.  
Kiba knew they were still thinking about his outburst yesterday. It must have been bothering them, not knowing what had caused it. He would have felt guilty if he wasn't so busy feeling like shit.  
“Why didn't you sleep, Kiba?”  
With a long groan, Kiba let his head fall back, “Well, there was a bonfire and people were over. And by the time I did get in, I just... couldn't fall asleep.”  
Thankfully, only part of it had been Kankurou's fault. Mostly it was that he'd been having too much fun and his energy was on high right up until he climbed into bed. His thoughts did drift to the other boy every so often, but it was his own fault that he'd gotten so little sleep.  
“But I'm gonna sleep like a dead person tonight, I bet. Now, let's get those deliveries out of the way so we can walk some dogs!” He tried to set a faster pace and immediately felt awful.   
“We have to pick it up at the eastern gates and bring it to the buyer. I think-” Shino paused to read the other paper, and made a satisfied noise. “They'll both be there. This will be our easiest day all week.”  
“That's good!” Hinata chirped, clasping her hands together in front of her stomach. She and Kiba both ignored the way Shino mumbled about how it may be TOO easy, not enough practice to be had and maybe they should make time to train when they were done. If he tried to make that happen, Kiba might have to kill him.  
They quickly found themselves on one of the busier roads and the morning crowd was sparse. Shops had only been open for an hour or so, and this early in the morning people preferred to stay in the warmth of homes and businesses as much as possible. Even Kiba had put on gloves, though he was going to end up discarding them sooner or later.  
Then, like a storm rolling in, he smelt him coming and had to suppress the queasy anxiety that bubbled up in his gut. Neither of his companions noticed a thing, fortunate enough to only smell the bakery beside them. And, much to his dismay, the smell wasn't simply passing down an adjacent street; it was growing stronger ahead of them. He wanted to stop and turn, and be anywhere else. He didn't want to find out how he'd react when that smell got to fill his nose completely.  
“It's not that bad.” It was a voice he knew. Feminine and strong, always confident but not usually as irritated as it was now. Temari stepped around the corner first, tossing a long, hard look over her shoulder.   
“Oh,” Hinata's surprised noise was only loud enough for Kiba and Shino to hear, so they went unnoticed for the moment.  
“It's freezing. At least let me go back and get a coat.”  
“You're wearing a coat!”  
“Another one!”  
When Kankurou joined her on the road, Kiba's heart started racing and the butterflies in his stomach were whipped into a frenzy. He could smell nothing but the dusty warmth and subtle facepaint. He smiled stupidly before the other boy even saw him.  
But he did see him, eventually, ignoring Temari's angry gesticulating to blink at them. Kiba laughed under his breath, taking in how heavily the taller boy was bundled up. When Temari noticed them, she looked embarrassed. Kiba suspected they tried to keep their bickering to themselves, even though they were siblings. Composed and dignified were things he would describe the girl as, so arguing with her brother in front of people was probably something she tried to avoid.  
“Oh. Hi.”  
“Hello,” Hinata's shyness was in full swing already, her feet shifting and her body leaning towards Kiba with the ingrained urge to put herself behind him. He was proud to see her resist it.  
“What are you two doing here?”  
“Sh-Shino!”  
“It's a fair question,” Temari interjected, putting her hands on her hips and offering them a smile that was somewhat tight, “Just a visit. We've found ourselves with time off.”  
“The council likes to try and get Gaara out of the village. Without Dad around to-”  
“Hey!” Temari cut him off with a glare.  
“What?”  
“Shut up!”  
Kankurou huffed and gave his wide shoulders an exaggerated shrug, “It's true. When there's no missions, they just try to push 'time off' on us. Temari only took them up on it this time because she wanted to see the leaves change.”  
Kiba grinned and bit onto that immediately, “It's amazing, isn't it?”  
Kankurou hesitated, blinking in surprise then answering slowly, “Yeah. I guess.”  
Sighing, Temari rubbed her arms to try and hide the fact that she was shivering. Admitting she was cold was the same as admitting defeat. But when she smiled this time, it was brighter.  
“It's something I've always wanted to see. It's way more beautiful than I imagined. We were just heading into the forest for a walk, if you wanted to join us.”  
Shino answered with a firm shake of his head, “We have missions, and a schedule. These stores need their packages.”  
“We might have time to,” Kiba muttered, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.  
“Kiba,” Shino's voice was dire as he stared at his teammate from behind dark glasses, “Do you want to look into the eyes of those dogs when we are late?”  
“... No.”  
When Kiba looked back forward, Kankurou was watching him and he could feel the heat starting to fill his face. All sorts of things ran through his head when their eye contact dragged on for a few seconds. Was he paying more attention to Kiba? It was probably just his imagination; wishful thinking. He didn't know his eyes were green. Though that made sense, both of his siblings had green eyes. Had he gotten even taller?  
“Well, we're going the same way so-” Temari gave an awkward shrug, pointing down the road where the gate sat waiting.   
“Yes,” Shino replied shortly, walking again and moving past them, leaving Hinata and Kiba to hurry after him with the two Sand siblings on their heels at a more lazy pace.   
It wasn't until they'd made it halfway to the gate that Kiba picked up on Shino's sudden change in mood. He was hard to read, sometimes. If the cause of his ire wasn't obvious, it was possible for even he and Hinata to miss when Shino turned south. But he saw it now in the way Shino's brow was creased and how his head tilted down as though he watched the ground in front of him.  
“You ok, buddy?”  
“I'm fine.”  
Kiba side-eyed him suspiciously, then smirked and lifted Akamaru up towards his face. Shino sighed irritably.  
“Not this again.”  
“You can tell me, Shino,” Kiba said in a higher-pitched voice, “Don't be grouchy, pal.”  
“Kiba, please. There are people around.”  
As though he could forget that. Usually he wouldn't play at being Akamaru in front of people, but he was feeling weirdly giddy and he had a fortunate lack of shame.  
“Is everything ok?” Temari asked warily from behind them. “If you didn't want our company-”  
“I said it's fine. We're almost to the gate, either way.”  
“Geez,” Kiba dropped the act to give him a reproachful look, scratching the top of Akamaru's head and frowning deep enough to accurately show his disapproval, “This is rude, even for you.”  
“Is it?” Temari sounded genuinely confused.   
Uncomfortable silence settled heavily on them, the five of them walking the rest of the way in relative silence. That wasn't ideal for Kiba, who had no way to relieve the nervousness constantly building in him. Lots of loud talking was how he usually eased such tension, but now all he could do was quietly contemplate Shino's attitude and how close behind him Kankurou was. Damn it, he felt like he was swimming in the smell of him.  
At the gates, they endured a few more awkward moments of small talk. Kiba told Temari about all of his favourite trails and all the best sights to see. Well... not all of them. He kept the best of the best to himself, with a quick glance towards Kankurou as he imagined showing them to him personally.   
When they said their goodbyes, Kankurou paused a moment longer than his sister.  
“Guess I'll catch you later, Kiba.”  
“Oh? Yeah. Ok.” He felt elated and thought he heard a waver in his own voice, hoping no one else had noticed. The two of them walked away, lingering around the desk by the gates for a minute or two; Kiba watched him while trying to look like he was doing anything but.  
He read too deeply into why Kankurou had singled him out, having to remind himself that he was Kankurou's friend where Hinata and Shino were not. Of course he'd say something like that. He was just being friendly. But when Kankurou took one last look over and waved, Kiba felt that dumb smile return and he almost forgot how exhausted he was.


	3. Past Curfew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kiba is young and his emotions are a whirlwind, but he's nothing if not brazen and curious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if people don't relish the slow-burn as much as I do.
> 
> I still don't know if I'm writing them right, but its satisfying to try.

“Why am I doing this?”   
Kiba ducked his head and buried his nose in Akamaru's fur, slowly making his way down a narrow side street. He stuck to the shallow dip that served as a gutter, moving slow and try to will away the nauseating anticipation.  
“It's stupid. I'm acting stupid,” he continued to mutter, following the curve of the street and powering through every tremor of nerves that arose when he spotted someone wearing black. His skin jumped when a flash of dark colour appeared in the corner of his eye, or when he caught a voice with a similar tone. For his own sake, he had halted the concentrated trickle of chakra to his nose, in the hopes that he'd be able to stand within a few feet of his crush without looking a fool.  
His crush? He blushed furiously when he realized what he'd thought, but could find no real argument for it. Ever since he'd spoken to Kankuro that morning, it was all he'd been able to think about. He'd picked apart those few short moments over and over again and re-imagined them to have more exciting outcomes. Like a smile just for him, or an invitation to spend time alone together. Or, by a series of impossible events, a kiss.   
His blush worsened at that until he felt like his face was on fire, half of it concealed by Akamaru's head and the rest of it partially obscured by the dark fur of his hood.   
Once more, he wandered out onto the main street and looked hopefully towards the gate. This was the fifth or sixth time he'd done this, aimlessly wandered the side streets without ever going too far, only to come back and scan the crowd in the hopes he would catch the Sand ninja returning.  
This was also the fifth or sixth time he reminded himself that this was stupid. The chances of his efforts being fruitful were slim, and even if he did succeed there was a decent chance he would scurry out of sight before Kankuro realized he'd been waiting around for him.  
“This is stupid. I should just go home. Take a walk. Get some food, or something...”  
“I could eat.”  
Kiba let out a yell that was undeniably humiliating, squeezing Akamaru tight to his chest and stumbling forward so he could spin around with some space between himself and the previously unnoticed presence behind him.  
Kankuro was grinning wide enough to squint his eyes shut, shoulders shaking with quiet laughter and hands buried deep in the pockets of his heavy coat.   
“How did you not notice me?” he crooned, stepping closer and looking particularly hulking with his numerous layers and poor posture.  
“I was distracted!” Kiba huffed, releasing his grip on Akamaru when the poor dog started whining and squirming, “How long were you there?”  
“Not long,” Kankuro had one eye open now, fixed on Kiba with sharp curiosity, “What's so stupid?”  
Kiba's heart skipped a beat, quickly weighing his options in his head. His immediate instinct was to claim nothing and make himself look ridiculous, so he brushed it aside. Beyond that, he could either play it cool or admit the truth. Brazenly, he went with the latter.  
“I was looking for you.”  
“Me?” though Kankuro showed a flash of confusion, he quickly reverted to his usual coy self, “That's sweet. What did you want from me?”  
“Time,” Kiba answered clumsily, “I guess.”  
“Time, you guess.”  
The blush was returning with a vengeance, with Kiba doing everything in his power to ignore the natural slyness to the other boy's words and the way one corner of his mouth always turned up further than the other.   
“Do you want to hang out or something?”  
“Obviously,” Kankuro screwed his nose up, amused, and adjust the way his coat sat, “That is what I was getting at.”  
Kiba had to blink and gather himself before he responded, having momentarily focused on how Kankuro's nose seemed just a little too large for his face. It was cute. The word made Kiba's heart flutter, blood spreading from his cheeks up to the tips of his ears. So his sense of smell certainly made it worse, but even without it he was a mess.  
“I'll pay!” Kiba said suddenly and just a little too loud, “On me, my treat.”  
Confusion returned to Kankuro's face and brought surprise with it, no teasing in his words when he spoke now, “You don't have to do that.”  
“I want to. It would be nice. I mean, I want to be nice.”  
“Why?” Kankuro asked slowly, the grin starting to creep back onto his face with an added touch of uncertainty. The shrug that Kiba gave felt too big.  
“Because I want to. You deserve it,” in an awkward attempt to retain some casualness, he gave Kankuro's arm a tap with the side of his fist, “Buddy.”  
“I can't argue with that,” Kankuro smirked, but kept watching Kiba quizzically even as he gestured for him to lead the way. Though he kept a pretty decent picture of calm on the outside, internally Kiba was giving himself a royal beat down. Everything he had said for the last five minutes had been absolutely ridiculous, and he was surprised that as blunt a person as Kankuro hadn't said as much.  
But he had a chance to turn it around. The bravery of his own admission had sparked a little fire in his belly, and as they walked he resolved to try and bolster his intentions with Kankuro. He was nothing if not a brash risk taker.  
It was a fast decision, he had to admit. Though his confused feelings had been festering for months—low key simmering in the bottom of his mind to poke their head out with every mention of anything to do with the Wind Country, or the chuunin exams, or anything that could loop around to a reminder of the foreign boy—they had only been a real presence over the last couple of days. And, undoubtedly, all those months ago when Kankuro would visit him in the hospital.  
But back then there was no way he could have considered having real feelings for this boy. Even now, it was shaky. Yes, Kankuro had saved his life. Yes, he had shown concern for him while he was healing. And yes, all three of them had genuine intentions to foster good relations with the Leaf village. But when he thought back to their conversations, the few they'd managed to have, Kankuro had shown no real sign of remorse. He'd shrugged it off as out of his control; an order they were all obligated to follow. 'We just helped you, didn't we?' When they'd talked about fighting, Kankuro never balked at the thought of taking a life.   
Kiba couldn't deny the excitement and sick satisfaction he'd felt when Kankuro had brutally ended Sakon and Ukon, he was bitterly biased in that situation. But to admit to never hesitating... And to never feeling guilty. And even though Kiba had seen the caring side of him, the side of him that smiled and gently stroked the fur of a shaken Akamaru, he had also seen his mean streak—and boy was it wide.  
“You ok, man?”  
Kiba blinked and lifted his head from where he'd been staring at the ground, realizing they had almost passed right by where he'd meant to take Kankuro while he was lost in his musing.  
“Yeah... sorry. I'm just thinking.”  
“About?”   
They'd stopped walking now, Kankuro peering down at Kiba with an expectant look. Kiba was surprised by that, that he'd expect openness still. After his near death experience, Kiba had found it hard to filter his emotions around the other boy. He'd been so grateful and so scared by what could have happened; he'd thought too hard on what he almost lost that he'd spilled his guts to Kankuro about so many things. Well... no wonder he thought it was normal.  
“You.”  
Kiba had always been an open book. But that single word had an expected effect: Kankuro's mouth hardening into a straight line and his eyes roaming anxiously away from Kiba's face. He'd been the same before, always spooked by the topic of himself.  
“Hm.”  
“I really like you.”  
The shift in Kankuro was drastic, his eyes widening and locking on Kiba in a way that made Kiba immediately regret the direction he'd taken. Kankuro looked panicked, like a dog being forced into a kennel, and to try and soothe him Kiba laughed and punched his arm again.  
“I mean, you're pretty cool. I'm glad I ran into you.”  
Thankfully, he relaxed and tossed Kiba a grin that wasn't quite as firmly fixed on his face as the others had been. He was relieved, and that got Kiba thinking.

As they'd eaten, Kiba had tried to employ all the skills he'd been taught at the Academy in order to read Kankuro's behavior. There were the obvious reasons for the boy to get flighty like that, the foremost being how close it sounded to an abrupt confession, but something told Kiba that that wasn't quite touching on the right spot.  
For the most part, he'd seemed as normal as he ever did. Which was much more normal than one might have expected from someone who painted his face and acted like he might have nailed somebody to a tree at least once in his life. Out of his siblings, he was the easiest to talk to.  
And talk they did, for almost three hours before Kiba realized that sun was starting to set. He got an idea that made him nervous, but if he wanted to see where he could get with the other boy he had to take chances.  
“Do you wanna come for a walk with me and Akamaru?”  
Kankurou glanced outside, gulping down the last of his water and cocking an eyebrow, “Kinda late for a walk, isn't it?”  
Kiba gave him a mocking grin, flashing sharp canines and putting on a crooning voice meant to imitate Kankuro's, “Is it past your bedtime?”  
“Yeah, usually I have on my footie pajamas by now.”  
Kiba snorted and slid out of the booth, quickly ushering Akamaru back into his coat so the waitress wouldn't see that he'd snuck him in. Kankuro stood as well, then a tense moment passed between them as they stood nose to collar bone and reached for their pockets at the same time.  
As Kiba opened his mouth to reiterate his intention to pay, Kankuro raced to dig out his money first. Kiba lost only because he fumbled and sent his wallet sliding across the floor. The other boy was laughing as Kiba chased after it, muttering curses and blushing under the stares of the other customers.

“I told you I wanted to treat you!” Kiba huffed, throwing his hands up as they stepped back into the streets, “Just let me be nice to you, damn it.”  
“You're already nice,” Kankuro chuckled, ducking his head and rubbing a finger behind his ear, “Don't need to waste money on me.”  
“It's not a waste.”  
“Yeah, yeah, just walk. You have to have me home by midnight.”  
Kiba's annoyance faded immediately as he let out an embarrassed laugh, “Way to make it sound like a date, man.”  
“Hm.”  
Silence settled on them, then, at first awkward then slowly becoming pleasant as Kiba guided the way through the labyrinth of tight streets and dirt pathways. The further they travelled from the the main area of commerce, the more trees sprung up between buildings, their boughs stretching over the road. He'd deliberately picked this way for how peaceful it was, and for the one alley that was more or less a tunnel of leaves. Even without being able to see the oranges and reds, the way the moonlight filtered through the curving branches gave it a feeling of eerie serenity.  
“Wow,” Kankuro finally mumbled, to himself more than Kiba. “I'm not sure whether this is beautiful or creepy. I mean, I feel like I could kiss someone here but also like a ghost might show up at the other end and come flying at me, you know?”  
Kiba had become immediately hung up on the mention of kissing, his heart beating a mile a minute as he pictured it and twisted his fingers anxiously in front of his stomach. But Kankuro seemed to have no idea what he'd said, continuing on down the street with a small smile and eyes that were wide with an uncharacteristically innocent interest.  
After a moment to calm his flipping stomach, Kiba scurried to catch up and walk beside him again. Just that alone brought a warmth to his chest, walking side-by-side. Even when his doubts about the Sand ninja started to surface, they were quickly swept away by a laugh or the smallest gesture that hinted at his softness that was seldom seen.  
By the time they had reached the end of the street, and Kiba had contemplated sliding his hand into Kankuro's gloved one, the Inuzuka boy had gotten daring and decided to stop restraining his nose.  
It seemed ok, at first. The cool smell of night air, the faded scents of the people who had walked there, the smell of Akamaru's fur as the dog lay curled and sleeping in his coat... Then him. Him, with his comforting warmth, like waves of sun-baked air and spices that sat deliciously on the back of his tongue. Like that, somehow. He wanted to bury his face in Kankuro's arm.  
“I hate this,” Kiba whined pitifully, making Kankuro stop short and stare with a worried expression.  
“What..?”  
Kiba felt frantic, not sure how to respond without spilling everything. The longer he stayed quiet, the more tired Kankuro seemed to look, with his shoulders slumping and his face growing more resigned.  
“You don't owe me anything, Kiba,” he finally said, dully. “I appreciate the effort, but don't force yourself to be my friend if you don't want to.”  
“Huh?” Kiba contorted his face into a baffled look, lips pulling back to bare his teeth as he rolled those words over in his head. Owe him, what..? Friendship? What? “Are you dumb?”  
It was Kankuro's turn to look stunned, and a little angry. As anyone would for being called dumb. But fortunately, he was more stunned than angry and just gestured with both hands for Kiba to make sense.  
“I wasn't lying when I said I liked you,” Kiba huffed, jabbing a thumb into his own chest, “Kiba Inuzuka ain't no liar, and he ain't no schmoozer! I like you. It's... confusing. There's a lot of stuff I don't know if I can agree with, but if everything was easy then life would suck ass.”  
“Crass, but weirdly uplifting... And?”  
Kiba blinked and Kankuro stared, his eyebrows lifting towards his hidden hairline as he waited for Kiba to elaborate. On what? That was pretty forward, wasn't it?  
“Well. I guess I wanna try, is what I mean.”  
Breathing out through his nose, Kankuro looked like he wasn't sure if he wanted to grin or frown. One way or the other, his mood was instantly lifted and all the moroseness left his voice. “Then what's to hate? I'm not THAT rough, am I? I didn't think I was making it that hard.”  
“I told you: it's confusing!” Kiba exclaimed with unrestrained agitation, and Kankuro's face split into a big, mischievous grin. Kiba really wanted to kiss the corner that went higher than the other.  
“Fine, fine. Don't tell me. I'll just have to figure it out the hard way.”  
“Whatever,” Kiba grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking again. But a strangely happy feeling was blossoming in his chest, burning brighter every time he bumped elbows with Kankuro, and filling him more with every step and every word.

Even when it got late, neither of them seemed to have any intention of parting ways. They'd stopped walking, having wandered into the playground and settled themselves on the swings. After that moment in the alley, any reservations they had with each other seemed to slacken or disappear entirely. Kankuro, who had a talent for saying a lot and revealing nothing, had even shared some things about himself. Kiba felt exceptionally privileged to know those things: that Kankuro almost never slept more than a few hours and was most productive at night, that he sang in the shower, that there were things about his looks that made him self-conscious. He'd mentioned his nose and Kiba had struggled not to tell him how much he liked it.  
Kiba, in turn, was even more open than normal, but made an effort to keep Kankuro talking as much as possible. He was most satisfied when they got on the topic of their respective abilities and Kankuro gazed down at the ground as he talked with as calm and wistful a face as Kiba had ever seen on him. Naturally, the puppeteer revealed little about the inner workings of his weapons, but he retold all the best stories he had from his time learning to use them. He started on an explanation of the importance of performance art to their culture, and how it was intricately connected to the work of ninjas, but he quickly grew embarrassed when he looked up to see Kiba staring.  
Then he'd shifted the focus to Kiba, about his family's work breeding and training hounds, and how envious he was that Kiba had spent his life surrounded by dogs. Kiba was filled with affection to learn how much Kankuro liked animals.  
Eventually they drifted into silence, looking up at the stars. Kiba was mulling it all over in his head, putting the pieces together and trying to decide where to go from there. He did like Kankuro, and now that he had a small taste of who he was he definitely wanted to know more. His thoughts did linger on the harsher things about him: the temper and the violence, a temper quite unlike Kiba's own. Kiba's was loud but harmless. Kankuro's was... less loud, and much less harmless. He wondered if he still felt the same about killing as he had before, and whether he held any regrets.  
Now was the time to ask, he felt. But when he looked at Kankuro, the small smile he thought he was hiding, he decided he didn't want to ruin the night. He did, however, feel he should end it.  
“I should get you home,” he said quietly, meaning it to sound like a joke but blushing when some feeling crept into his words. Kankuro's smile widened and he didn't look down from the sky.  
“I think I can make it back on my own.”  
“I don't mind,” Kiba started, straightening up and awkwardly tugging at his coat.  
“Nah, it's ok.”  
Kankurou stood and Kiba felt a heavy sense of loss as the older boy stepped towards the open gate. But he paused when he was next to Kiba, giving him that grin.  
“This was a lot of fun,” he paused, gently thumping Kiba's arm with his loose fist, “Buddy.”


	4. Who Wants to be Cold?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying point A to point B. Kiba starts a harrowing adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really just more of a short interlude.

The brilliance of autumn always felt short-lived. Before long, the trees grew patchy and the leaves brittle and lifeless, fun to step on but drained of their warm colour. The chill was no longer soothing, but sharp, biting at Kiba's nose as he perched on a fence with his feet dangling over the canal. Akamaru, curled up in the front of his coat, provided some warmth but nothing could save his fingers and cheeks.   
The air fogged up in front of his face as he sighed, his gloomy mood dragging his shoulders down and tugging his mouth into a weak glower.   
Most days he felt more or less normal, but as winter loomed closer he was being hit with the seasonal blues. The feeling was, of course, agitated by his juvenile pining for the boy who had returned to his own village more than a month ago.  
While the siblings from Suna spent time in Konoha, Kiba had been with Kankuro almost every day. Kiba was sure he wasn't supposed to show an outsider all the hidden corners of the village and forest that he knew, but there was a pleasure the solitude they shared that he selfishly sought after every chance he got. When they weren't alone, they often weren't together. Kiba was uncomfortable around Gaara, even if he could appreciate his new take on life, and Kankuro's own personal growth hadn't progressed far enough to make him sociable. And, as it turned out, Shino hated him.  
The one time they had been together in a larger group of Kiba's friends and Kankuro's family, it had been at a festival. Kiba had spent the night before rehearsing how he would ask him to go, but before he'd been able to mention it Kankuro was inviting him instead. And their night (that Kiba had secretly considered a half-date) had ended perfect, with everyone finding a way to get along and Kankuro leaving his hair uncovered for the first time in front of Kiba. Brown with a touch of auburn and shaggy in a way that seemed to cause Temari endless frustration.  
For much of it Kiba had felt a bit pitiful underneath the fun he was having, marvelling at how romantic it would have been had anyone but him known how he felt. Like one of the girls staring wistfully at a boy's back, pretending he might be thinking the same stupid, sappy shit. Soaking in the mass of lanterns covering absolutely everything and bathing the streets in their magical glow, the laughter and dancing, the way leaves floated on the wind above it all... Kiba wished he was as brave on that packed street as he was with his life on the line.   
Later in the night, however, the lot of them had found space on a narrow stretch of roof beneath the balcony of a taller building, and spread themselves across the space to watch the fireworks together. On the balcony, hands on the rail and weight on his arms, Kiba was gazing down at his group of ragtag friends with an affectionate smile when Kankuro's fingers had brushed across his.   
The Suna boy had pulled away immediately, sucking air in through his teeth and crossing his arms on the railing so his hands were tucked safely into his armpits. Kiba had stared dumbly at first, trying to read his face. It wasn't an accident, those hands were never clumsy. But he definitely looked uncomfortable for doing it, so Kiba just smiled and shifted closer so their arms were touching for the duration of the explosive display. That had been two days before the trio had left for home.  
They had left quietly and Kiba had been hurt by a lack of farewell. In his head, he had played out dozens of scenarios where they said their goodbyes and almost all of them had ended with Kiba being scooped up. But one day he was there and the next he was gone, and now Kiba was sitting on a fence moodily equating the encroaching snow to the state of his heart. Thinking back to when he talked to Shikamaru, he wished he'd been right about never feeling anything.  
“There you are!”  
Hinata's cheerful voice shook him out of his listless staring, and he felt embarrassed over his internal dramatics. It was lucky that her byakugan couldn't see into his head... If anyone knew how whiny he was being, he would never live it down.  
Jogging, she came to a stop by his side and clasped her hands together in front of her. Her face was bright and hopeful, large eyes even wider than normal. It made Kiba smile to think she pretended to run into him by chance when he could still see the minor signs of strain around her eyes from using her eyes to scope him out.  
“New missions have come in and some of them are outside of the village. We have to hurry before all the warm places are snatched up,” she took a hold of his arm, but didn't pull. She was never pushy, but she was watching him expectantly. Well, if anything would preoccupy his mind, it would be a mission.  
“We better hurry then. Team 8 loses to nobody!” he swung his legs back over the railing, hopping to the ground and taking her by the hand to drag her along.   
“Shino stayed to fend off anyone with the same idea,” Hinata explained hurriedly as they ducked through narrow lanes. “So we might get lucky.”  
“Ha, way to go Shino!” 

As the two of them stumbled into the room, Kiba was amused to see that Shino was succeeding in his task. Genin shinobi were hesitant to go near his wall of bugs, a wall that dropped as soon as the rest of Team 8 reached his side.  
“Yes! Woo! Eat that, losers!”  
“Kiba, please...” Hinata tried to wave down Kiba's exuberance, but he didn't linger in the doorway long. The rest of the genin bull-rushed as soon as they realized what was happening, and Kiba was forced to clumsily run across the room to reach the table at its far end before anyone else did. Nobody was going to take his chance for a warm vacation!  
Smacking his hands down on the table top with a triumphant hoot, Kiba barely noticed the chunin's disgruntled share.   
“Team Kurenai reporting in for anything that will take us somewhere else for awhile!”  
“Here,” the man said slowly and coolly, picking out a number of slips and offering them to Kiba. The boy read them over, still basking in the glow of his victory as Shino and Hinata appeared to peer curiously over his shoulder.  
“What about this one?” Hinata suggested so quietly he would have missed it if she hadn't been so close to his ear. The one she pointed to would take them to the southern Fire Country, close to the ocean. Shino's finger hovered over a town more to the east, but Kiba's eyes had locked almost immediately onto a single word that filled him with sickening excitement.   
A delivery to the Land of Wind. Not all the way to Suna, but it was close enough to make Kiba's skin prickle. Swallowing his anxiety, he put the other papers down and held that one aloft as though it were some grand statement.  
“You guys aren't thinking warm enough!”  
“The Wind Country?” Hinata murmured uncertainly, sharing a look with Shino as Kiba turned to face them.  
“Seriously, think about it! Think about how warm it'll be Hinata. And Shino... think about all the crazy kinds of bugs they must have out there!”  
“He's right.”  
Hinata tried to protest Shino's blunt and sudden agreement, but she made the mistake of looking Kiba in the eye and giving him the opportunity to use The Face. It had been puppy-eyes when he was little, now it was a grin of unbridled excitement that she didn't have the heart to crush.  
“Ok...”  
“Goodbye, winter! You bitter asshole!” Kiba cried out with the mission statement over his head, but an angry and vicious hushing from the chunin behind him made him drop his voice to a whisper and apologize.


	5. Being Hot Isn't Fun Either

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team 8 makes their way to Suna thanks to Kiba's nonsense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three times I had to remind myself that they could wait to kiss

The area on the border between the Land of Rivers and the Land of Wind was a flat stretch of dry scrub land, the clay ground cracked and giving bearing to only the toughest of brush and brittle, flowered weeds. On the horizon, Kiba could see distant sand dunes and his heart fluttered, mind wandering into clumsy poetics. Sure, he was sweating like it was nobody's business and had found it unbearable to wear anything more than his pants and shoes—his shirt was wrapped around his head like a cliche that never made it to the actual desert—and sure he was sitting on top of a wide, square post to keep safe from scorpions, but there was an undeniable beauty to the dangerous landscape.   
It lost points for not being a good place to raise dogs, but it gained points for being the land that shaped the inconsiderate object of his affections. Kiba's brow furrowed, the sweat pretty much fizzling off of his shoulders. Kankuro... that absolute dick. Next time he saw him he was going to tear into him for making him come all the way out to this sweat-box, when he couldn't even be bothered to say bye.  
“Alright,” Kurenai stepped out onto the street, looking flawlessly untouched by the scorching heat. Even Shino had taken off his coat, so it was nothing short of impressive that Kurenai seemed to barely feel it. “It's been delivered. Let's head to our lodgings and get some rest. Hopefully they'll have air conditioning.”  
Kiba lowered himself to the ground and jogged to walk with them, apparently coming too close to Shino with his naked, sticky chest from the way the other boy swerved away. But Kiba didn't acknowledge it, too intent on the idea that was beginning to form in his head.  
“It seems like a waste to come all the way out here for one delivery,” he said grumpily, hands locked together behind his head while Akamaru whined next to him. He gave the pup an apologetic look. They'd tried walking how they normally did, with Akamaru on his head, but it had been unpleasant for both of them.  
“This is the mission you chose. Without consulting me,” the red-eyed woman shot him a calm but firm look, eyebrows lifting just slightly.  
“I know,” he muttered sheepishly, “I was just excited to get out of town for a little while. Maybe we can take up another job or two while we're out here, huh? Make it worth the effort.”  
“This town is too small to have a mission post, we won't find anything sanctioned by the village before we get home.”  
“Well... What about Suna? It's not too far. From what I hear, they've been encouraging cooperation with Konoha, right?”  
“Trying to make up for what they did to us,” Shino grumbled, taking mercy on Akamaru and picking him up. Kiba narrowed his eyes suspiciously, muttering that he better not give him fleas.  
“What?”  
“Nothing. Anyway,” Kiba moved to walk next to Kurenai, “Come on, I have all this energy, I'm ready to go!” He took a few jabs at the air, puffing his cheeks up and making Kurenai sigh heavily.  
“Ok, stop. You're making me overheat just looking at you,” she drifted off into thoughtful silence, gazing towards the distant desert where it could be seen between gaps in the buildings. “It would be good endurance training.”  
That immediately made the plan sound terrible and Kiba had to weigh whether or not his desired outcome was worth anything involving the words 'Endurance' and 'Training'. In the end, he decided it probably would be and got ready to use The Face. Shino clapped a hand over Kiba's face and glared, whispering 'don't'. But it was too late. Kurenai nodded.  
“To Suna, then.”  
Kiba shoved Shino's arm away and whooped, ignoring the rivulets of sweat tickling their way down the back of his neck. He'd have the trek through the desert to sharpen his teeth.

~

Kiba groaned and let his head fall back as he walked, swaying and exhausted and just... sweating... so much. The sand shifted constantly under his feet, making walking somehow so much harder than it should have been.  
“Why are we doing this?” he whimpered, trying to will away the burning, hateful orb in the sky. They'd been given some protective garb to wear back in the little border town, and even though it helped a great deal it still felt oppressive. And, to their credit, they had been walking for the better part of a day and should have been quite close to the hidden village by that point. If they hadn't gotten lost at some point. With that thought he lowered his head and leaned to peer around his teammates.   
Ahead of them, it seemed the ground at least was harder. Red, dusty ridges were rising up out of the dunes to both sides, not close but still a very welcome sight. After another hour of walking, they saw a cactus and Kurenai spoke the words he had been praying for: they were close.  
The ground was stable enough for even a single thing to grow, so they were at least out of the most unforgiving part of the desert, and the sun was dipping towards the horizon promising to take the merciless heat with it.  
At one point they passed a giant, stone head covered in graffiti and half-buried in the sand. One of the few markers that even Kiba knew, a sign that people were somewhere nearby. Walking even further beyond that, the walls of the village finally rose shimmering from the harsh land and Kiba would have cheered if all the energy hadn't been sucked from him.   
There was a narrow split in the sheer rock face, manned by four shinobi who seemed suspicious of their arrival but only stopped them long enough to question them and request their passports. They'd needed them just to get to that small town.   
“Can we rest?” Hinata asked tiredly as they stepped into the village, head bowed and hand rubbing weakly against her forehead. Kurenai was starting to show the smallest signs of wear herself, and didn't hesitate in granting her request. Kiba's bones were aching and he found no reason to argue, but as they were pointed towards places to rent rooms by the people on the street he was constantly scanning his surroundings. That feeling returned, the heart-shaking anticipation that came with every flash of black in the crowd.  
He sniffed at the air, but didn't catch that scent before they stepped into a lobby that was only marginally cooler. The ceiling fan whirred above them mockingly, promising a comfort it could not give when the door stood wide open. With so few visitors, they were each given a room of their own and Kiba could at least shed himself of his burdensome clothes and release the heat trapped within the folds of the fabric.   
With Akamaru stretched out on the floor, panting, Kiba spread out on the bed and released a huge sigh. “That was the hardest trek of my life... But we're gonna make the most of it, right Akamaru?”  
The dog heaved a sigh just as big and Kiba laughed. It felt weird to talk, after they'd spent so long in silence trying to conserve their energy. When Kurenai had tried to engage them, she'd gotten very little response. But it didn't last as Akamaru fell asleep and Kiba was left to gaze out the window.  
From there he could see nothing but strangely spherical buildings and wires, a small patch of darkening sky, and the narrow windows of other homes that were starting to light up one by one. It was then that it began to dawn on him how crazy this was, and he scrubbed his hands across his face with a low groan.  
“What am I doing? Did I seriously just cross the desert for this? Shit...” Annoyed, he shoved at the sheets with his feet and puffed angrily, “For a stupid boy! I'm like Naruto.”  
He let that thought sink in an let out another louder and more agitated groan, “I'm like Naruto! I'm worse than Naruto, I'm not even trying to save anybody.”  
He glared up at the unlit light, spreadeagled and very disappointed in himself, “What am I even trying to prove? What am I supposed to say? 'Oh hey Kankuro, remember how we touched arms then you snuck off? Well, surprise! I'm a stalker!' Damn it...”  
It wasn't like he was moving mountains to see him. He wasn't that love-sick. Just love-sick enough to put himself and his best friends through a strenuous journey and sleep in a room that was a few benches shy of being a sauna just to get the chance to see him.  
“This was excessive,” he said dully, breathing in deep and shutting his eyes, “Classic Kiba takes something too far again.”  
He didn't know when exactly he fell asleep, but it was a night riddled with bizarre dreams and giving very little in the way of actual rest.

The next morning, Kiba spent a few extra minutes giving himself a pep talk in the mirror. He managed to convince himself that this, at least, would get them paid and give them experience. And since they were already there, there was no point in moping about it.  
He joined the others with some of his energy returned, the squad of five making their way towards the shinobi head quarters with only a little help from locals and street signs. The village had a very straight-forward wheel pattern, and they only had to find a main road before they got on the right track.  
“The people here feel so different,” Hinata wondered as they passed by shops and open-air restaurants, “They feel...”  
“Rougher,” Kiba added with a knowing nod, “Definitely not as carefree, that's for sure. Look.” He leaned to whisper in her ear, “That lady must be a hundred and I still wouldn't try to fight her.”  
Hinata hid her giggle behind both hands and Kiba grinned smugly, pleased to have made her laugh. He tried to paraphrase the joke for Shino, but when he pointed the woman out Shino made his way over to try and help with the things she carried. Kiba fumbled, then resigned himself to smiling and shaking his head. The woman had waved him off with a thank you, but she seemed as amused as Kiba was as she continued on her way.   
Drawing closer to the large, round building Kiba began to catch scraps of familiar scents; lingering traces of the only three Suna shinobi he knew. His stomach was unsettled and he focused on his breathing just so he could focus on anything at all. It was just traces. Of course he was going to run across those eventually, why wouldn't he so close to a place they would have to visit? They'd go in, get some work, then leave and no one would have to know what he'd tried to pull by coming here.  
As they approached the staircase leading up into the building, he steeled himself and walked with his shoulders back just to look as confident as he tried and failed to be. Up they went, passed a few checkpoints before being guided to the mission room by a befuddled but friendly young chunin woman.  
“We're a little short staffed, so I'm sure your help will be appreciated. If I'm remembering correctly, some missions may even take you back into your country. Just talk to that man over there and he'll get you sorted,” the girl gave a short bow and Kiba found himself smiling at her. She was pretty; he liked the way they made them out here.  
Kurenai went forward without them, apparently still sore that they hadn't seen fit to include the team leader in taking on a mission. She'd almost refused to allow it entirely until they explained their wanting a change of weather. They were hard-pressed to find anyone who didn't feel the same.  
“This one is an escort: merchants looking to make new trade with Konoha. They have no knowledge of the route and need safe passage. I'm going to see if they'll be ready to leave tomorrow.”  
“So soon? We just got here!”  
Kurenai frowned at Kiba, tucking the slip into her pouch, “Well I didn't think you'd want to spend your time clearing build up from sand storms or digging to look for aquifers.”  
“Kiba is well suited to both of those things,” Shino offered, obviously thinking he was being helpful.  
“That doesn't mean I want to,” Kiba muttered bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest, “I'm just saying, that was a hard go. Can't we rest for just a little bit before we have to go and do it all over again?”  
There was a little voice in his head that was screaming at him, trying to figure out what was wrong with him that after everything he had told himself he would still try to prolong his stay.   
“I'll talk to the client and let you know,” Kurenai said with an understanding tone to her voice, ushering them back out the door and humming thoughtfully, “Why don't you go explore while I meet them, hm? None of you are the kind to sit around and discuss business, right? Go see what Suna has to offer.”

What Suna had to offer was grit. There was dirt in the air and though long strips of light fabric stretched across many of the roads to offer shade, it did very little to cool them. But Kiba was fascinated by the people, how they dressed and how they acted; the things they sold and the things he overhead them saying. During their visit, he had heard Temari say that the people of Suna hid passion underneath their hard exterior. They expressed very little and felt very deeply. He saw glimpses of that passion in the store windows and the occasional fervent conversation.  
Hinata and Shino had slipped inside a shop to buy drinks, and Kiba stood outside watching a gaggle of kids jostle their way down the street tossing a ball between them and hollering. They earned themselves quite a few looks from the adults, and Kiba chuckled to himself. It was like watching the battle hounds back home, the disciplined graduates of training giving their rambunctious pups reproachful looks for acting so off the wall. There was the feeling before life had taught them to hide it.  
“So damn loud.”  
Kiba would have screamed if he had a little less dignity. Instead he lurched forward and caught himself on the back of a chair, wondering frantically how he could have missed someone approaching behind him. Kankuro had a gloved hand to his mouth to hide his grin, though he did so poorly.  
“Damn it! What the Hell?”  
“Sorry. I always figure you'll smell me coming.”  
“You scared me half to death!” Kiba's heart was racing for more than one reason. “What are you doing?”  
Kankuro blinked, stepping closer and tilting his head like Akamaru did when he knew Kiba had something in his pocket. “I came to say hi.”  
“Oh... how did you know I was here?”  
“We don't usually get leaf people here at all, let alone taking on missions,” Kankuro got something close to a haughty look on his face, mouth drawn tight and eyes narrowed, “Since I guess you forgot how to write a letter or something.”  
Kiba blinked once, twice, then opened his mouth to speak and could only shut it again. He had to wrap his head around what he'd just heard.   
“You're mad,” he said monotonously, straightening from where he'd stayed leaning on the chair, “You're mad at me for not telling you I was coming.”  
“Not mad,” Kankuro huffed, sliding a hand up under his hat to run unseen through his hair, “Just figured it might be something to tell me, is all.”  
The more he said, the more uncertain and panicked Kankuro seemed to get, as though something unfortunate was dawning on him. Kiba wanted to yell and give him every piece of his mind that he'd set aside for just this moment, but he couldn't.   
“I didn't really think you'd have time,” Kiba said weakly, shrugging and putting his hands in his pockets just so he could stop thinking about what to do with them, “You left in a hurry and all, so you must have a lot going on.”  
“Yeah... That was a scare,” Kankuro laughed, though still seemed anxious. His grin was wide enough to close both eyes, a sure sign that it was forced. “Turns out it was just a small group of malcontents, not the terrorist threat they made it sound like.”  
Silence stretched out between them and Kankuro took to scanning Kiba's face. After a moment, he frowned deeply and tilted his head so he peered at Kiba from under his head plate, “You didn't hear what happened. We got called back due to trouble in the village. Nobody told you? I asked the rowdy blond one to tell you.”  
Suddenly, all the hurt was washed away and Kiba was desperately scrambling for it. The hurt had given him a leg to stand on, had given him some semblance of a backbone when faced with the person who gave him such a whirlwind of emotions. Now he was left with relief and affection and all manner of weaknesses.   
“Did you think I just left?” Kankuro dropped his voice low and it didn't sound entirely apologetic, but knowing enough about him one might think there was a touch of guilt to his words, “I didn't want to, it was an emergency.”  
Kiba could have said that nothing would have stopped him from writing after, or doing something to try and keep contact, but instead he smiled wide and waved away Kankuro's half-apology with both hands. “You said it yourself, it was an emergency! Who cares? We're both here right now, right?”  
“Right,” Kankuro shifted his feet, starting to say something a couple of times and finally settling on three words that had Kiba humiliatingly ecstatic.  
“I, uh... I missed you.”  
If those words weren't enough, Kankuro shuffled forward so they stood toe-to-toe and did something Kiba would never have expected. With one hand—the strength of it still tangible beneath the gentle way it moved—he pulled Kiba's head closer and pressed their covered foreheads together.   
This close, Kiba's nose was filled with the smell of him and he was afraid his knees might buckle underneath the sweetness of it. Though he didn't linger long, Kiba could have sworn he felt those fingers stroke through his hair before Kankuro quickly shoved his hand back in his pocket.   
“From the way you're smiling, I guess you don't hate me.”  
Kiba got his face under control and shook his head quickly, “Nope. Don't hate you. Just, y'know... who knew you had such a tender side?”  
With a straight face and widened eyes, Kankuro replied, “I thrive on the power of affection.”  
This time Kiba had no hope of controlling himself, breaking down into giggles that he knew he would never live down. When he laughed, it was loud and short. Not stupid, embarrassing titters... But there he was, ears turning red and fangs bared in a happy grin. It turned out he'd gotten them sharp for nothing.


	6. Deja Vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some people are complicated and messy, but Kiba has always been willing to get his hands dirty when he needs to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: a mention of suicidal ideation.
> 
> Mostly its a whole lot of a fluff though. And we should know by know that fluff half way through a ship story is a grave, grave warning.

Kiba's feet scuffed against the hard packed dirt, the chains of his swing creaking lowly with every slow sway. The playground was small, tucked in between two rows of buildings in a space that was little more than an alley. It was deserted, even in the early hours of the evening.  
On the swing next to him, Kankuro had a leg on either side and was reclined against the chain, hands folded over his stomach and eyes trained curiously on Kiba. They'd been silent for too long.  
After Kankuro had snuck up on him, they'd only had a few minutes to talk before Kiba's friends had returned and he had chosen to leave with them for Shino's sake. Kiba understood the special trauma that comes with your first time almost dying, and he could imagine it would be hard for him to face Sakon and Ukon, if they hadn't been slaughtered. He wouldn't force Shino to stomach it, and Kankuro seemed to understand.  
But, much to Kiba's delight, Kankuro had sought him out later in the day and invited him out for a walk. After some time spent wandering between apartment buildings, they'd stumbled across this place and ended up in a very similar situation. The only difference was Kiba had too much to say this time, and the words were jamming in his throat while Kankuro looked on with learned impassiveness.   
Finally, with too much effort, Kiba managed to speak, “There's a lot about you that I don't really get.”  
Kankuro made a noise that sounded almost like a laugh, lifting a hand to rub at his nose and shifting the way he sat. But he didn't say anything, just waited.  
“There's some things that make me uncomfortable.”  
He didn't laugh that time, and didn't move. Still, he was silent.  
“I've been thinking about it all day,” Kiba steadied his voice and spoke more firmly, mostly to trick himself into thinking he wasn't too scared to say any of this. “Trying to weigh everything. I want to know who you are, really, but I feel like that's an untapped well of...” he shrugged, giving Kankuro an apologetic look for what had stayed unspoken.  
“You're not wrong,” Kankuro said slowly. “I'm a mess. I'm angry and arrogant and generally not really that nice,” he looked somewhere between amused and embarrassed. “But I want to be. Nice, that is... When you're around, anyway. I want to do nice things.”  
Clearly his throat, he sat up straight and rubbed his hands together. The hair on the back of Kiba's neck stood up, the motion to close to the hand seal Kankuro used before every fight. But Kankuro didn't notice his discomfort, readying himself for what was likely to be more openness than he'd ever shown at one time.  
“I want to know who you are, too. And I'm not worried about what I'll find because I can't believe there's anything bad in you. I mean, in a way that... Like, you're just... I don't mean it as sweet as it sounds,” he laughed and cupped both hands over the back of his neck. “You're happy. You're friendly, and you're full of life, and all that shit.”  
“I'm also temperamental. And kinda needy sometimes. And I'm arrogant, too,” Kiba felt weirdly frantic as he pointed all this out, somehow scared by the fact that Kankuro only saw good things in him. He saw only good things and Kiba had spent a lot of time thinking about Kankuro's bad points, worrying about them. It made him feel like an awful person.  
“I get so jealous, over anything! And I can be so selfish. If you only knew how I ended up here, you'd think I'm-”  
Kankuro leaned over, wrapping his hands around the chain in front of him and leaning his cheek against it. That small motion shut Kiba up. No matter how the other boy looked, whether he was smiling or relaxed or not even paying attention, his eyes were intense.   
“I know all that,” Kankuro said with a grin, the one that was exaggerated on one side, “Anybody who's been around you more than once knows that. But none of its, y'know... cold. None of its mean.”  
Kiba didn't know what to say. He wanted to force down the happy bubble in his chest, wanted to argue that he had teased people before, he had wanted to see people fail, he had put himself above others when he should have been compassionate.   
“I dunno,” Kankuro continued, with less surety, “At first I thought: if you were more like me I wouldn't have needed to save you. But you're so warm.” That word made Kankuro balk and lean away again, eyes turning towards the nearby slide, “It's not bad.”  
“There's are so many bits of that thought process that you're not actually saying,” Kiba muttered, mouth twitching up into a small smile.   
“I know. I'm not good at this, cut me some slack.”  
Kiba sighed and, after a long moment, pulled himself to his feet. He moved around to stand next to Kankuro, marvelling at how the older boy still just about reached his chin when he was sitting down.   
“If I do,” Kiba mumbled, feeling his face start to heat up, “I mean, if we do get closer... Is it going to be hard?”  
Kankuro, who had been watching him intently and nervously, glanced down at the space between them and frowned thoughtfully, “Yeah. I mean, probably. I'm full of surprises.” He gave Kiba a wide grin, but it shrunk as he gave a one-shouldered shrug, “But still probably, yeah.”  
Despite himself, Kiba laughed and returned the shrug with a bigger one of his own, “I always bite off more than I can chew, so why stop now?”  
“I feel bad for you.”  
Thankfully, right when tension had started to wind around them they'd managed to push it off together and lapse back into the comfortable teasing they were both accustomed to.  
“You know, I'm not exactly easy to deal with either!” Kiba announced with his chin up and his chest puffed out, “I'll bet I'm a way bigger pain to deal with than you are. And you've dug your grave now, buddy. I never back off from a challenge.”  
“I know,” Kankuro responded with a laugh, shifting about to stand as well, “That's why I feel bad for you. I'm gonna be the worst friend you've ever had.”  
He was joking, that much was obvious, but Kiba's heart missed a beat when he realized his intentions hadn't been at all clear. He hadn't tried, and hadn't thought to, but now that the chance was gone he was feeling immediately drained and defeated. Moodiness crept up the back of his mind, and he felt his hurt feelings already trying to misplace blame at Kankurou's feet in a twisted attempt to preserve Kiba's feelings. He knew 'why doesn't he just know how I feel?' really meant 'why doesn't he feel the same?' but he didn't want to acknowledge it. Before he could say he wanted to leave, Kankuro's eyes lit up.  
“I have something to show you.”  
“Ok.”  
He wanted to leave, why couldn't he just say as much? Kankuro took him by the hand and Kiba felt an ache in his chest as he was pulled from the playground and back through the streets they'd already trod. Kankuro's hand was hard, his fingers calloused, and his grip was awkward as though he worried he might squeeze too hard. Kiba wondered idly how the frequent channelling of chakra effected his hands, like how Kiba's nose was sensitive even when he wasn't actively diverting energy there.   
The sun was out of sight now, most if the village quiet and smothered in shadows. The only people they came across were chunin on patrol, and none of them looked twice when they saw Kankuro. There was a surprising amount of respectful nodding and gestures, even though they outranked him.  
“Are you important?” Kiba mumbled with a furrowed brow, causing Kankuro to pause and glance back at him.  
“Depends on what you mean. I'm not in charge of anything.”  
“Is it because of your brother?” Kiba tried uncertainly as they started walking again, still hand in hand even though Kiba lagged behind.   
“Sort of... Not really, but a little bit. It's my father, mostly. I guess we didn't really tell anyone that we were the Kazekage's kids, huh?”  
“What?” Kiba exclaimed, earning himself a reproachful look that he ignored, “Yeah, you never mentioned that!”  
“I didn't think it mattered!” Kankuro was facing forward, but his voice and the agitated gesture of his free made it quite clear that he didn't like the topic all that much. Kiba would have backed off, had they not just agreed to wanting to be closer.  
“Guess it's hard to talk about dead parents.”  
“No it isn't. He's dead. My mother is dead. See? I'm talking about it, it's not hard.”  
Lifting his eyebrows, Kiba watched the back of Kankuro's head. The heat in his voice was intriguing, and he thought again about what Temari had to say about the insides of Suna people. Kankuro implied that he was a cold person, but here he was starting to burn up.  
“So, what? You didn't like him? Or you didn't like being in his shadow, or what?”  
“His shadow was fine,” Kankuro huffed, moving faster towards the outer wall of the village. “I never wanted to stand out or out-do him. But he wanted to groom me to be his heir. He was pushy, and he didn't ever seem to hear the word 'no'. Nobody ever said the Kazekage name had to stay in the family!”   
He had thrown his arm up angrily and Kiba felt strangely elated by how much feeling the other boy was letting show.   
“It was me or Temari, in his head. Gaara wasn't an option for him. But I don't want it and he does. I hope he can see us, he'll burst a vessel when he sees Gaara put that hat on. Ha!”   
It was the angriest 'ha' Kiba had ever heard and he had to force the grin off of his face. It wasn't funny, he didn't think it was. But Kankuro wasn't hesitating in taking the first step. And Kiba was still low-key bitter that he wasn't aiming for more than friends, but this... This was good.  
“Here's good,” Kankuro said, after they'd wandered along the inside of the wall and come to a stop at a seemingly random point. He pointed up and smirked, “Think you can make it?”  
“Bet I can make it before you do,” Kiba snapped back, never able to keep a check on his competitive nature. A moment later, they were racing up the cliff face at full speed, Kiba feeling no guilt in resorting to all four limbs. Even he was impressed with the distance he covered in such a short time, but Kankuro gave him a run for his money.  
When they reached the top, Kiba got his foot on the ledge a short second before Kankuro did, but he may as well have outstripped him completely from the way the Inuzuka boy hooted and hollered.  
“Ain't nobody faster than me!” he claimed loudly, thumping a fist against his chest and baring his fangs in a proud smile. “None of my friends have beat me in a race yet. So since you lost, I guess you can stick around.”  
“Oh, that's it? That's the clincher?”   
“Of course,” Kiba said with an innocent expression, “I'm jealous and selfish, remember? My friends can't be better than me in something I'm proud of.”  
“I take it back,” Kankuro stepped over to him, then dropped his voice to that croon that make Kiba's stomach do flips, “I'm not the worst friend. You are.”  
“Told you I was shit,” Kiba smirked and dramatically tugged at his shirt to straighten it, “Now what did you want to show me?”  
“Close your eyes.”  
Kiba eyed him suspiciously, but shut them anyway. “Last time someone said something like this, it didn't go well...”  
“This will be good, don't worry,” the puppeteer moved behind Kiba and gently started nudging him forward, guiding him with his shoulders until Kiba was feeling an unfettered breeze and he realized with a lurching stomach that he was near the edge. It was a struggle not to open his eyes, but he felt like it was important to show his trust here.  
“I used to come up here when things got really rough,” Kankuro spoke quietly in his ear, “When I wasn't sure how long I was going to be alive for. And when I realized I was something a lot of people around here would be disgusted by. A few times I thought I could at least control how my life ended.”  
“Why are you telling me this?” Kiba whispered, voice strained as he hurt for the other boy.   
“Because I, uh... Well. It's not like that anymore. I don't have to be afraid and it's beautiful up here. I want to turn something bad into something good, so I want to share it with you.”  
“You're complicated...”  
“Oh trust me, buddy, it is a tangled-ass web,” Kankuro snickered, then stepped around to sit next to Kiba with a nervous clearing of his throat. “Ok. Open up.”  
With a long breath out, Kiba opened his eyes and blinked a few times at what met him. He could see endless miles of desert and rocky cliffs, but it was painted in swathes of blue and dark against the backdrop of the vibrant night sky. Countless stars on melting indigo, the last strip of sunset still hugging the horizon; Kiba had never seen the stars glow so brightly.   
“Wow...”  
“Right? It's a sandy box of hatred during the day, you'd never think it was capable of something so...” Kankuro trailed off and waved his hands towards the landscape, trying to find the word. Kiba was watching the side of his face with wide eyes.  
“Amazing.”  
“Exactly. There's so much more to the desert than what makes it harsh. I guess I liked to remind myself of that when things got hard. It's metaphoric, or some shit.”  
It was in that moment that Kiba realized how doomed he was. Kankuro was an arrogant prick, he was rude, and he was violent. And he had let Kiba get just enough of a peek beneath his rib cage to make the young Konoha shinobi realize he was in deep. That crooked grin and those green eyes and that scent were going to chip away at him no matter what. He was going to cross the desert over and over so he got to experience them again. He was going to let Kankuro drag him through life while Kiba fell for him. Kiba smiled wistfully and turned to look back at the sky.

~

The time for them to leave came too quickly, but instead of stewing in this awful misfortune Kiba was savouring the short two days he'd had with Kankuro. It had been nothing but good, the two of them quickly learning how to cope with their respective attitudes in a way that kept things peaceful. Kiba's chest felt lighter when he thought of how Kankuro encouraged him to disagree when he saw fit, not by saying so exactly but by engaging him in debates that sometimes got heated but always resolved well. People usually tried to shout him down, or Kiba tried to do the same to them. But he and Kankuro wanted to fit together. Kiba blushed and ducked his head to hide his grin.  
There weren't a lot of farewells to make, mostly just Kurenai dealing with the professional aspect of their departure. Did they need a bigger escort? No, they would be ok. Give regards to the Hokage. Of course. Thank you for your help. Not a problem.  
From a distance, Kiba was curiously watching the small group of merchants they were going to escort, all sporting big square packs; they looked like they'd be horribly uncomfortable during the trek across the desert.   
Shino and Hinata were double checking their own supplies, with Shino giving special care to a single small book that he'd found in a hole-in-the-wall store. It was about the desert fauna and Kiba was curious about it himself, but he would have to wait until Shino had read it over and over.  
Suddenly, Kiba grinned and straightened his back, deliberately looking towards the wall and trying not to laugh at the disappointed sigh behind him.  
“Can't get you a third time, huh?”  
“Nope. I'm onto you.”  
“Are you?”   
There was a low pitch to Kankuro's voice that made Kiba frown and whip his head around to stare worriedly at him. The other boy wasn't grinning and struggled to maintain eye contact, and Kiba's stomach turned over with a small feeling of hope.   
“Aw, are you sad that I'm leaving?” he teased, giving him a small nudge with his elbow. “Don't cry, buddy, we'll see each other.”  
“Excuse me? Give me a little credit,” Kankuro looked at him, stony-faced, “I can hold it in until I get home. I'll weep into my pillow all night, but I'll be damned if I do it in front of you.”  
Kiba let out a cackling laugh that pulled Hinata's curious gaze. She saw Kankuro and gave a small wave, one that he returned with little more than a short once-over. He looked away from her, but Hinata kept watching them for a few long moments.  
“I'm glad you came to say goodbye, anyway,” Kiba said with a warm smile, “It felt weird to do it last night.”  
“Especially since I obviously wasn't going to miss seeing you off. What kind of asshole doesn't say goodbye to their friend?”  
Kiba chuckled and gave a slow nod, looking at him with steeply raised eyebrows, “What kind indeed.”  
“Well,” Kankuro tilted his head to one side and looked away again, jaw working, “I had something I wanted to give you, too.”  
“Matching hat?” Kiba feigned hopefulness and got a smirk in response.  
“Not that good.”  
“Then I don't want it,” Kiba huffed and looked forward again, noticing the rest of his team was gathered by the gap in the wall. A cold ball of disappointment dropped heavy in his stomach. But it was quickly forgotten when Kankuro's hand brushed across his cheek and guided Kiba's attention back to him. It took him too many seconds to realize what was happening.  
When their lips met in a kiss that was chaste but prolonged, thin veins of electricity arched all across Kiba's body. Everything burned in the most pleasant way possible, from where their mouths met to where Kankuro's hand cupped his face, all the way down to the ball in his belly that could have scorched him, now. When the taller boy pulled away, Kiba wanted to throw his arms around his neck and take him hostage. But he didn't, he just whined pitifully and stared up at Kankuro with wide eyes. Well, that was the most humiliating response he could have come up with.  
“So... yeah. That's it. Not as good as a hat.”  
“Ha...” Kiba gave him a dumb smile, rubbing at his ears and giggling instead of saying anything even remotely intelligent.  
“What do you think?” Kankuro prompted, blushing as well. Kiba was marvelling at the spots of red, astonished that such a thing was possible.  
“What do I think?”  
“Mhm.”  
“I want another one.”  
Kankuro started laughing, the blush spreading furiously as he raked his hand under his hat. “That's good. But I meant about... y'know.” The gesture he made was a weird one, but Kiba thought he understood.   
“Well, I said I wanted to be closer to you, right? That still stands.”  
“I'll write you,” Kankuro offered with a subdued voice, smiling. Smiling. Not grinning, or smirking, or sneering, but a genuine, happy smile.   
“Yes! Good. And we'll find ways to meet up with missions and time off and you can give me as many of those as you want.”  
“As I want, or you want?”  
“Me. As many as I want,” Kiba hesitated, then smiled and put a finger to his lips with a hopeful look. In yet another surprising twist, Kankuro looked incredibly shy as he shuffled his feet and leaned in to plant another kiss.   
“You should go, though.”  
Kiba's face scrunched up with disappointment, but it just couldn't stay that way for long. He still felt Kankuro on his lips and he may as well have been walking on clouds. He tossed himself into the other boy's chest, hugging him. It was remarkably warm, Kankuro's wrapping him up and squeezing gently as he lifted Kiba a few inches from the ground. When he dropped back down, Kiba was sure there wasn't an centimetre of his face that wasn't glowing red.   
“I'll write as soon as I get back,” he announced as he stepped back away from him. Kankuro nodded. “And I'll take every mission to Suna that shows up.” Kankuro nodded again, smile growing. “And-”  
“They're leaving, buddy.”  
“Right,” Kiba grinned and gave one more wave, before spinning around and running over to the travel party lining itself up in the gap in preparation to depart. His heart was racing, every doubt he'd had instantly plucked from his mind and replaced with the wonderful realization: he had a boyfriend.


	7. Pre-Birthday Prep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year and a half later, Kiba prepares to step into the most treacherous part of his young life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was pretty much asleep when I wrote this, I'm so sorry.

Despite Kiba's promises when he'd left Kankuro, a year and a half passed with no real chance for them to see one another. Letters came and went between them weekly, and while Kiba at first lamented the fact that his boyfriend and the face he'd get his kisses from was so far away, he eventually became grateful for the unique opportunity that writing offered.  
It had taken them some time to warm up, as Kiba struggled with both spelling and horrible handwriting and easily got discouraged. But before long, the letters gave them the chance to get deeply personal without having to say anything aloud, and that was what Kiba cherished.  
He learned so much, and shared so much, and he felt he hardly knew anybody better than the boy he hadn't seen since the winter before last. From his favourite food to his worst not-Gaara related memory (blue, he was surprised to learn; and the one and only time his father had lashed out at him).  
It was as Kiba was scribbling out his latest letter that he started to worry about how different they would feel after all this. He stared down at where his pen hovered over the last words he wrote, words that described the inconvenient budding feelings of a boy his age. He thought Kankuro could definitely relate, but back when they'd kissed they hadn't known half as much about each other. Next time he saw Kankuro, would he still get a flutter of excitement or would he recall every minute detail and just feel... what? Familiarity? He had that here at home, or with his friends. A second later he realized he wasn't worried about what he himself would feel, but what Kankuro would.   
It took him a long moment of consideration, but he decided to write that down too and continued on with the letter. One way or another, being able to share these thoughts with someone was comforting. He was often pegged as someone who talked and acted, but didn't think or feel. And, honestly, there were plenty of times where that was true. But every now and then he caught a feeling, and it was nice to know there was somewhere that he could send it.  
With his letter done, he sealed it and scrambled up from where he'd been lying on the floor.   
“Come on, Akamaru!”  
The dog, knee-high to Kiba and still half way asleep, trotted after him as the boy made his way from his room, down the stairs, and to the front door where he toed on his shoes. All the while he chattered about his plans for the day, after he'd seen the letter off. Most of those plans revolved around preparation for his coming birthday.  
“Fourteen,” Kiba sighed as the two of them left the Inuzuka compound, eyes on the clouds and a grin half-cracked across his face, “This is the year I get chest hair, I can feel it.”  
He rubbed his chest through his shirt, jacket tied around his waist. Akamaru only whined in response, causing Kiba to toss him a long side glance and grumble.  
“It's possible. Anyway, even if I don't, fourteen is still big! Look how tall I've gotten,” Kiba flashed his fangs in a wide smile and curved one arm upwards, “And check out these guns. I look way cooler than I used to.”  
His voice cracked as he said it, taking away some of the impact. But his pride was ever intact, and he strode on with a confident step.   
“You look the same as ever, though, so don't judge.”

The village was always warm and alive during this time of the year, with a big influx of both visitors and missions. Kiba fed off the excitement, off the stories he heard and the new things he found in his favourite little trade shops. It was also the time of year when all of his friends set out on their new personal goals and saw leaps in their abilities. That was something he fed off of as well, not just because he wanted to see them excel but because it pushed him to do the same.  
That thought was why, after a loop through the village, he made his way towards the training grounds. It wasn't so that he could do any sort of work himself; he was simply lonely and in search of company. The chances were high that he would find someone he knew there.  
And he was in luck. Though an academy class took up a substantial corner of the grounds, Kiba spotted Ino and Chouji right away. It was pure hand-to-hand sparring, the pair of them monopolizing a patch of shade cast by the overhanging trees. Ino was ferocious and Chouji was on the defensive.   
Kiba wandered over, hugging the fence so he wouldn't distract anybody and coming across Shikamaru with his back against a tree and his legs stretched out across the grass.  
“Kiba.”  
“Don't you think you could use some practice?” Kiba puffed as he sat down, nudging the other boy with his shoulder until he groaned and shuffled over to the share the tree.   
“It's a pain in the ass. Besides, look at her. Would you want to get in on that?”  
Kiba narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, curiously peering at Ino and the look of harsh concentration on the face that was usually immaculately pretty. It was always interesting to see the girls like this: grubby and tense. They looked pretty without even trying, it seemed, but get them fighting and their war-face could outstrip just about any guy he knew.   
“Is she mad?”  
“I don't think so. Just determined. You know how she gets.”  
“Say no more,” Kiba stretched his legs out as well, one arm reaching out to drape over Akamaru's back. “Don't you have chunin stuff to do?”  
“I'm... supervising.”  
“You know, a lot of us would kill to make it as chunin,” Kiba kicked the side of Shikamaru's leg. Not too hard, but with a deep frown to get his point across. “Here you are, shirking your duties and not even training. Should report you.”  
“Isn't it your birthday soon?”  
Kiba grinned slyly, not having worked for this outcome but savouring it nonetheless, “Why, yes it is! Tomorrow. Sweet that you remembered. Thought about that surprise party, yet?”  
“I slept through my own birthday, what makes you think I'll be awake to show up to yours?” Shikamaru spoke dully, but he nudged Kiba to let him know he was joking.  
“Because you know I'll find you,” Kiba tapped his nose, pouring all the sweetness he could muster into his words. “And force you to spend the whole day with me. Just you and me, Shikamaru, running and laughing and doing all this stuff. So much moving and effort.”  
“Gross.”  
“Yeah, so just get me some cake and presents.”  
Shikamaru looked away from his friends and cocked an eyebrow at Kiba, “I already know what I'm getting you.”  
“What, seriously?”   
Genuine surprised popped onto Kiba's face. Truthfully, his birthday was something he usually spent with his mother and sister, he just liked to remind as many people as possible for the sake of positive attention.   
“Mhm. And I guess you could join us for barbecue, if you want. I'll put a candle in a piece of meat and I'm sure Ino will sing at you.”  
“Aw,” Kiba laughed and put his head on Shikamaru's shoulder for a brief moment, turning a happy look on the other two as they finally noticed him there. “Maybe, yeah. I'll see what happens.”  
“Geez, I invite you out for your birthday and now you're gonna get flaky?”  
“Fine, fine,” Kiba waved him down, deciding this was definitely good attention and basking in it. Chouji and Ino had made their way over and taken a seat with tired but chipper greetings. When they sat next to each other, it made it painfully obvious how many inches Chouji had gained in height in just a couple of years. Kiba felt a little envious.  
“Doing your pre-birthday rounds, huh?” Ino said with a light giggle, nudging Kiba's foot with her own. Secretly, he was glad they'd all acclimated to his tendency towards platonic physical affection. He liked to be reminded that they liked him.  
“Of course. I can't let anyone forget,” Kiba replied with a snort, letting Akamaru ease his way up into his lap so Kiba would scratch his ears. “And of course, it's Akamaru's birthday too. So, double the party.”  
“Maybe we'll be able to get everyone together!” The determined fire returned to Ino's eye as she, apparently, envisioned her sudden and grand plans for Kiba's birthday. Still, he was wondering whether he'd be able to make it at all as he didn't want to miss out on time with his family. It was already getting hard for all three of them to juggle their responsibilities and their free time.  
“Yeah!” Chouji's enthusiastic agreement made Kiba smile and started to warm up to the idea, though. He could spend the day at home, then meet them later... Yeah, it could probably work.  
“Alright... yeah. Yeah!” Kiba perked up and grinned, Akamaru's tail thumping on the ground simply because of the outburst of excitement. “I don't even care about presents, I just want to hang out with everybody for a little while.”  
“Speaking of presents,” Shikamaru groaned and rolled to his feet, making a show of stretching and cracking his back before looking down at Chouji and Ino. “Don't slack off while I'm gone.”  
“You're telling us not to slack off?” Ino said with perfect monotonous disbelief.  
“Come on, Kiba,” Shikamaru pushed his knee lightly into Kiba's shoulder to try and urge him to move. Kiba did, albeit with a lot of huffing and confusion.  
“I just got here.”  
“And now we're leaving. Do you want your present or not?”  
Dropping his voice low and pouting angrily at Shikamaru from the corner of his eye, Kiba replied, “Yeah, I want my damn present.”  
“Aw, come on! This is just an excuse, so I can't make you work out with us!” Ino called after them with just as angry a pout as Kiba had worn. “You lazy ass!”  
“Is she right?”  
“For once, no,” Shikamaru spoke calmly, though his eyebrows were lifted and he was trying to keep his face smooth. “I meant to come find you, but I sat down a couple of hours ago and you know what happens when I do that.”  
Kiba nodded sagely, hands digging their way into his pants pockets as he followed Shikamaru back towards the centre of the village. Everybody hustled even more fervently than when he'd left, the day reaching a fever pitch as lunch time passed and people hurried to complete the remainder of their errands in time for the evening, when they could relax.  
The whole time they walked, Kiba was trying to goad answers out of the Nara boy, only to be met with stubborn resistance and a whole lot of tight-lipped looks. It took him awhile, but Kiba realized that Shikamaru was trying to hide his excitement. That only made him want answers even more.  
Every guess that Kiba threw at him missed the mark, and he took to watching their surroundings to try and guess where they might be headed. They left the main street and traversed side roads that were busy but hosting thinner crowds.   
They were all familiar streets, but none of them led anywhere of any consequence to Shikamaru and himself. That was when it hit him, and he had to force down the triumph and sudden balloon of eagerness that welled up in his chest.  
This was it! THIS was the surprise party! And Shikamaru had thought he'd been so damn slick. Well... Kiba couldn't bring himself to ruin all this hard work, so he let Shikamaru lead him further onward and hummed happily to himself to maintain the illusion of ignorance. Their first stop was a seemingly random corner, where Shikamaru told him to wait before disappearing for some long minutes. When he returned, he claimed he'd needed to use the bathroom and Kiba had just given him a coy smile. He wondered idly what kind of complicated method of communication he had concocted in order to gather their friends, but he kept the conversation casual and unassuming as they went on their way.  
Finally, they reach a small copse of trees between a chain link fence and the back of a row of buildings. Shikamaru stopped him before they entered, turning towards Kiba and looking him dead in the eye with unwavering seriously. “I need you to close your eyes, ok?”  
The mood had shifted suddenly and Kiba couldn't read it, but he only hesitated a moment before doing as he was asked.   
“And block your nose or you'll know what it is right away.”  
That definitely made him a little uneasy, not because he had any reason not to trust Shikamaru but because he relied so heavily on his sense of smell during almost every moment of his life. But he listened, lifting a hand and grabbing his nose to plug it. When he spoke, he sounded nasally and ridiculous.  
“Alright. This better be cake, Shikamaru.”  
But there was no response and Kiba started to get fidgety. His feet shifted about and he strained to listen, to try and pick up any footsteps or rustling or anything that would announce the arrival of party-goers lurking in the trees. What he got, instead, was a pair of lips pressed gently against his.  
His head jerked back and his eyes snapped open, heart thundering in his chest as he frantically pulled together everything he could to turn down Shikamaru as kindly as possible, all while blood was rushing to his face. Every moment of casual affection he'd tossed Shikamaru's way popped into Kiba's mind one after the other, followed with the bitter taste of guilt.   
But whatever he meant to say was caught in his throat, confusion and even further embarrassment hampering his ability to speak as he took in the face hovering a foot from his own. Shikamaru's jaw wasn't that hard, his nose wasn't that bold, and his mouth wasn't so full. Kiba, with his nose plugged, had to pick apart that face for a few long seconds before he realized who it was he was seeing. His arm dropped and his chest was filled to bursting with overjoyed shock.  
“Kankuro!”  
“Hey.”  
“I-I didn't recognize you without the facepaint!”  
Kiba was still staring, awestruck. He'd never been able to imagine what Kankuro really looked like, with only his brother and sister to go off of, but even with the small, dark bags under his eyes, his face made Kiba weak in the knees. He was gorgeous, with his crooked smile and big nose.   
“What are you doing here?”  
“I came to see you. Surprise.”  
His voice had gotten deeper and he towered over Kiba still. He was broader, and the 'youngness' had mostly disappeared from his face. It seemed Temari had succeeded in her scheme to cut his hair, as well. Kiba stood awkwardly for too long, gaping and blushing and twisting the front of his shirt between both hands. But as soon as it registered to him what was happening, and he was able to calm the thundering in his chest, he was quick to close the distance and throw his arms around Kankuro's neck the way he had wanted to all those months ago.  
This kiss was different, deeper and more clumsy. Kiba recalled every minute detail about Kankuro, learned from his letters. He remembered how the Suna boy had fretted over how capable a boyfriend he would be, and how he had suggested twice that Kiba should change his mind. He remembered that Kankuro had a temper, and often got jealous, and that his favourite colour was blue.  
Everything he remembered just fanned the fire, made him bury his hands in Kankuro's hair and drown himself in the taste and smell of him. Kankuro's arms were tight around Kiba's middle, hard with unseen muscle and keeping Kiba close to Kankuro's chest.  
When they finally pulled away, Kiba's mouth now tender and burning, he blinked and looked around to see Shikamaru with his head ducked and his hand over his eyes. Kiba tried to put the pieces together, looking between them with a befuddled frown.  
“He learned about it from my sister,” Kankuro said with a low chuckle, “When he found out I was coming out this way, he was really persistent about doing it like this.”  
“I thought it would be sweet,” Shikamaru piped up, uncovering his eyes to look at them, all proud smiles and cocky raised eyebrows. “Happy birthday.”  
Kiba couldn't even come up with a witty or sarcastic reply, too busy beaming and hiding his face in Kankuro's arm. Those strange teenage boy feelings were prickling to the surface as Kankuro kept his firm but careful hold, one hand lightly tracing circles over the small of Kiba's back.  
“Thanks, Shikamaru.”  
“You have no idea how hard it's been pretending I didn't know about this for, like, five months,” Shikamaru grumbled, though he wasn't able to keep his face straight. “Every time the girls would try and secretly set you up with someone I had to bite my tongue and find creative ways to distract them. You better be grateful.”  
“Well I'm not gonna be if you're gonna act like a baby.”  
But there was no bite to his words. There couldn't be, he was too happy and too eager to drag Kankuro away to keep him all for himself.   
“But you kids go and have fun,” Shikamaru lazily waved a hand towards them, giving a little shrug, “I'll see you tomorrow for that birthday dinner. Don't be late, or there'll be no food left.”  
On the tail of their goodbyes, Shikamaru disappeared back towards the street with a moment spared to pet Akamaru's head, leaving them standing together in the shadow of the looming tree trunks. Crickets chattered in the grass and a draft made the leaves whistle and shake, but all Kiba could focus on was the energetic rumbling of Kankuro's heartbeat underneath his ear.  
“Don't worry, I have a better gift for you than just me.”  
“You better,” Kiba mumbled into his sleeve, content to stay there and never move again. When Kankuro's hand slid up his back to stroke through Kiba's hair, the younger boy almost went completely limp against him. This was the most exhausting kind of happiness he'd ever felt.


	8. Honeymoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of Kiba's birthday wishes come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a really long time, but I managed to get another chapter written. I'm excited for where its gonna go from here

“So. One year older. How's that feel?”  
Kiba looked away from Hana's pack of tracking hounds, the three of them sprawled out in the grass still trying to play after having tired themselves out. He and Kankurou had tucked themselves against the garden wall, facing the house and enjoying a quiet moment to themselves.  
“Pretty good.”  
After surprising Kiba with his arrival, and insisting that Kiba enjoy a dinner out with his friends without him, Kankurou had spoiled Kiba more than the younger boy had ever experienced. They'd spent the whole day together and anything that Kiba had even glanced at with interest, he'd been given. He wasn't sure how to handle it, at the time, but all of those gifts were now resting in prominent places throughout his room so he could savour those feelings over and over again. The last thing he'd asked for, though, had been for Kankurou to meet his family properly.  
So, when his birthday had finally rolled around, Hana had spent even more effort than normal on making the house presentable and their mother had cooked way more food than strictly necessary, confident that what they didn't eat, the dogs would take care of. And Kankurou had come over, using practised professionalism to mask how uncomfortable it was for him.   
Kankurou hadn't talked much, but it had been nice nonetheless. Tsume seemed to like him, at least, especially after he'd cackled over one of her crass jokes. He'd blushed, too, for having done it, and that had been a pretty satisfying response for her.  
The sun was starting to set, the air was cooling down and for much of their time sitting there they had stayed in comfortable silence. But now, Kankurou had shifted his leg over enough to make contact and Kiba was being bombarded with a flurry of affection.  
“Best birthday I've had in a long time,” he added with a toothy grin, wanting to cuddle up to Kankurou's side but leaving it at the warm pressure of Kankurou's thigh overlapping his. This close, he got to indulge in the smell of him. “You didn't get into a fight with my mother or anything.”  
“Yeah, I figured it might get a little awkward if you saw me get my ass handed to me and cry.”  
“It's ok, I wouldn't have judged you.”  
Kankurou laughed and reached over to give Kiba's hand a squeeze. The flurry returned with a vengeance and Kiba couldn't keep the dumb smile off his face, or the heat out of his cheeks. He was still adjusting to being treated this way, with Kankurou's blunt flavour of sweetness. Despite all the feelings it had entailed, 'boyfriend' had just been a word on paper until Kankurou had shown up and started making him feel so special.  
“I just wish you could stay longer,” Kiba said with a sigh, giving in and nuzzling his face into Kankurou's arm. The muscles there had gotten bigger, he'd noticed that right away.  
“Me too. But I need to get back to Gaara. Things are getting into full swing for him.”  
“Mmhm,” Kiba muttered, then glanced up with another grin. “I get it: I'm dating the second most important man in the Sand village.”  
Kankurou scoffed, body shuddering with a silent laugh. “What are you talking about? Gaara's still a kid, I'm THE most important man in the Sand village. At least for a couple more years, don't take that away from me.”  
“So in a couple more years I'll have to leave you for your brother, is what you're saying? I can't downgrade, I respect myself too much for that.”  
Kankurou snickered and moved to wrap an arm around Kiba's back, pulling him close and squeezing gently, “I'm sure no one would blame you for that. But Gaara can't stand being touched, so I don't know how you're gonna get all that affection you're so desperate for.”  
“Desperate?” Kiba looked scandalized, weakly struggling against Kankurou's pull without any real conviction. “How DARE you?”  
“And he'd have no patience for your dramatics.”  
“Dramatics?! Kiba Inuzuka has never been dramatic once in his entire life!”   
Kankurou laughed loudly as Kiba tossed his head away in an attempt to avoid a kiss, putting all his effort into appearing offended and not giving in to the puppeteer's insistent cuddling. He failed at both, quickly succumbing to the warmth of his arms and eagerly letting the older boy tuck his face against his neck. Another silence settled, and Kiba let it stick long enough for Kankurou to get comfortable, before adding: “I could always keep you on the side.”  
Kankurou dissolved into deep chuckling and pinched Kiba's hip hard enough to make him yelp and pout. He really did start to squirm that time, but only so he could try and get him back. It was futile, Kankurou already well-positioned to overpower him.  
Kiba let the quiet stay the next time it came, smiling and snaking his arms around Kankurou's shoulders to hold him snugly in place. Another thing that Kiba hadn't expected was how physical Kankurou was, always trying to touch or hold, and always with a surprising amount of tenderness. Except when he pinched, apparently, but Kiba could let that slide.   
The sun winked out of sight behind the trees, and before long stars began flickering to life above them. Every time he had seen them he thought about the evening horizon in the desert and pined for it, but now that feeling eluded him as he lay curled up against Kankurou, the other breathing slowly and softly against his skin. Kiba blinked.  
“Kankurou?”  
He got no response, and had to force down a giggle. Kiba hadn't noticed Kankurou's arm slacken, because they had slid down and it was held in place by the ground. He was fast asleep.

~

Breakfast was rare in the Inuzuka house, every one of them the sort to start their days early and at full energy. Kiba and Akamaru had risen with the sun, as they always did, but even after returning from their walk they had found Kankurou barely capable of functioning.   
After falling asleep in the yard, Kiba had eventually managed to rouse him enough to get inside to a bed. The spare bed, Hana had insisted, despite Kiba's protests. He wouldn't do anything, he promised, he just liked the warmth. Whether or not it was a lie, Kiba wasn't sure.  
Kankurou had muttered something about food, the skin around his eyes even darker than normal and his hair an intimidating mess, and Kiba had had to take over his cooking of breakfast after the Sand ninja had cracked three eggs directly into the sink.   
It was nice to sit down and eat so early, Kiba decided. The kitchen was warming up, the sunlight was soft, and birds were making use of the tree just outside the window with plenty of melodious whistling. And, after half of his plate had been devoured, Kankurou was starting to resemble something a little closer to human.  
“Where are the others?” he muttered with his fork hovering in front of his mouth.  
“Gone,” Kiba replied brightly, using his finger to push more eggs onto his fork. “Hana's doing a bunch of house calls today, and I think mum is working on prep for a mission. Reviewing intel and all that boring jonin stuff.”  
“You got anything to do today?”  
Kiba huffed and nodded, scooping the bite into his mouth and swallowing before he answered. “Got a mission of our own; supposed to meet up with my team some time after lunch.”  
“Think we can get some time in before you go?” Kankurou was watching him sheepishly, looking embarrassed despite it being an expected request. Kiba beamed and nodded, face warming up in an equally silly reaction to something normal for a couple to do.  
A couple... that made the blush worsen and Kiba smiled contentedly down into his glass of juice. Kankurou seemed satisfied, scarfing down the rest of his plate with much more enthusiasm.  
“We don't even have to go anywhere,” he said as he stood to clear away his dishes. “We can loaf around the house until you have to go.”  
There was a brief hesitation, then a disappointed sigh, “I guess until WE have to go. I should-”  
Kiba stood up suddenly, surprising Kankurou into silence as he stalked over and pulled him down for a deep kiss. He knew the other boy had to go, but they didn't have to ruin their morning by talking about it.  
Clumsily, Kankurou put his dishes in the sink and lifted Kiba off his feet to the tune of the smaller boy squawking in surprise. Kankurou only gave a small laugh before throwing himself back into the kiss with no restraint, their lips grinding together until Kiba got too riled up and bit him. Again, the pause was only brief as Kankurou stared at Kiba with bewilderment that turned to a look of realization, a small bead of blood quickly licked up and forgotten.  
Before Kiba had a chance to panic and apologize, Kankurou was heatedly invading his mouth, every swipe of his tongue seeming to try and coax another reaction from Kiba. They shifted backwards, Kiba slipping his legs back down so he could stand and gain enough leverage to pin Kankurou to the fridge. Kankurou took full advantage of this by sliding his hands down and roughly grabbing onto Kiba's ass, having to lean down to maintain the kiss but not seeming to mind so long as he could grope.  
Kiba was ruthless, barely giving him a second to take a breath and nipping as often as he found Kankurou's lip close to his teeth. Kankurou's scent changed to something that pulled at Kiba's gut enticingly, making him swoon. When, finally, Kiba admitted he had to pull away, Kankurou's lower lip looked tender and bruised, and his face was the deepest shade of red that Kiba had yet seen. There were more spots of blood along the curve of his lip, and standing there panting softly turned Kankurou entirely irresistable.   
“You're leaving,” Kiba said weakly. Kankurou faltered, eyes quickly scanning Kiba's face with some semblence of panic. Probably checking to see if tears were on the way, but that wasn't even close to Kiba's meaning. “There's so much we won't be able to do when you're gone.”  
“I-I know, I-”  
Kiba reached up to wipe away the blood with his thumb, a shiver passing over Kankurou's shoulders. Curiously, Kiba pushed the digit against his mouth and was pleased to hear him whine.   
“There's so much more I wanna know about you before you go home,” Kiba muttered imploringly, not caring at all if he was starting to look as desperate as he felt. Kankurou just gave a jerky nod, hands sliding up to rest so lightly on Kiba's hips they may as well have been hovering above them.  
“Bedroom?”  
Kankurou hunched his shoulders, eyes wide and nervous. But he just nodded again, letting Kiba take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. Every step he took felt shakier than the last, his heart pounded hard in his chest, and excitement turning his belly to fire. It took too many long seconds for the bedroom door to close behind them.

~

“Just send lots of missions out this way for me, ok?”   
“I don't have that power.”  
Kiba was hanging off of Kankurou shamelessly, pouting and pushing his nose into the other boy's chest to breath in as much of him as possible. Kankurou had his chin on Kiba's head, hands on his waist as they stood just inside the gate with the two usual sentries watching like they were at a movie.  
“Tell Gaara to give you that power.”  
“I'll try.”  
“I just want to come and see you as much as possible.”  
Kankurou chuckled and pulled his head back so he could look down at Kiba and take in the full glory of his sad face. He looked like a kicked dog, and Kankurou tried to soothe him by kissing the bridge of his nose.  
“It'll be easier than last time, I promise.”  
Kiba grinned and gave him a teasing poke in the stomach, “That's just because you know what you'll be missing out on, now. You'll try harder.”  
Usually, Kankurou would have gone along with the joke, but this time he just smiled lovingly and turned Kiba to mush just by saying 'yeah'. The tone of his voice made it very clear that he didn't mean the sex, and Kiba would have thrown away his loyalty to the village right that second if Kankurou had asked; would have gone to the Sand village and played housewife if he had to.   
“I'm gonna miss you,” Kankurou grumbled, putting his chin back on Kiba's head and engulfing him in a hug. “Even though to smell like dog.”  
“At least I don't taste like sand.”  
Even though he teased, a potent sadness was starting to dig its way into Kiba's chest and make him feel nauseous. A feeling of aching loss and more than a touch of anxiety made Kiba's arms tighten around Kankurou's middle until the puppeteer had to carefully pull them away with a weak grin and some quiet words about not being able to breath. Now he knew how Kiba felt...  
“It'll be ok,” Kankurou ducked his head down to look Kiba in the eye, the pair of them nose to nose as Kiba did nothing else but pout and tighten his jaw against the flood of emotion. He felt too much. It was so exhausting.  
“Idiot,” Kiba muttered, fingers tugging lightly at the front of Kankurou's clothes. “Should have never sniffed you.”  
After a moment, they both started laughing and Kiba went in for one more hug. Kankurou managed to speak through the titters to tell Kiba that he was a weirdo, rubbing his hand across Kiba's back until they quieted again. With the dreaded feeling of finality, Kiba leaned up to press another kiss against Kankurou's mouth.  
“You should go.”  
“I know.”  
“I'll see you soon.”  
“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably end up writing all the sex scenes into a separate companion piece when this is done.


	9. Aftershock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Gaara's abduction, Kiba struggles with the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a very brief mention of self-harm

Life went on for Kiba, sometimes potently lonely but always painted brightly with the knowledge that, to somebody, he was something to be treasured. The letters continued—though Kiba held onto the one he meant to send before Kankurou's timely birthday visit—and he knew it was time to be open with his feelings and relationship status when he received a gift so sweet and thoughtful he couldn't possibly keep it to himself anymore.   
When he wrote that he missed the desert scenery, he'd expected similar sentiments. Instead, he'd gotten a drawing of the horizon from the spot they'd shared during his visit to the Sand village. It was rough, apparently done while Kankurou sat writing his reply, but the skill was stunning and Kiba's heart could have exploded when he unfolded it. It brought him a lot of joy, as well, to learn that was where Kankurou would write to him.  
Excitement had him making waves for days after, until Hinata finally asked what had made him so happy. It just came tumbling out of him as they travelled towards nearby foothills to aid a farmer plagued by locusts. He knew that if he could see himself gushing and rambling he would be ashamed at his own lack of composure, but it felt good to say it all out loud.   
He felt like he mattered, he felt important. He felt loved. There was one week where Kankurou missed him so much he sent three letters. They had pet names for each other (though Kiba refused to share them), and Kankurou had taught him a few romantically inclined words in his native tongue. This, and more, Shino and Hinata were treated to in detail. When he ran out of steam, though, a rather serious talk had followed. Hinata was happy for him, of course, but Shino showed obvious reluctance.  
It wasn't exactly sorted, but Shino admitted to caring for Kiba's happiness more than his own discomfort, and Kiba promised to do what he could to ease the lingering trauma that Shino had. Poison was excruciating, and he'd never gotten any real closure over that fight.  
That had been the hardest reveal. From then on, it was fun to run around telling every one of his friends that he was dating someone, and he was in love, and that in ten years they could find him out in the badlands with his own pack of dogs and his smoking hot boyfriend. Ino's reaction had been the best, because he'd gotten a hug from it, though Shikamaru had been his favourite person to talk to.  
It turned out they had something in common; meaning Shikamaru had found something good in the desert, and though he still pined after Temari with no plans to see it through, they talked at length about what those Wind country kids did to their insides. And, thanks to Shikamaru most likely, word eventually got back to the Kazekage how much Kiba wanted to get back out there.  
Mission requests started coming in from the Sand village and nearby settlements, and set into motion the best six months of Kiba's life. Sometimes, he would be out to the Wind Country every other week, with or without his team but always with Kankurou waiting on the other end of his journey.   
Seeing each other so often turned the relationship into a whirlwind, with lots of physical indulgence but its fair share of inevitable arguing. Kankurou seemed to revel in someone as bullheaded as him, and more often than not frustration turned into passion. When it didn't, and their tempers flared out of control, Kiba only needed to remind himself that they'd be parted again soon.  
The deeper he got into Kankurou, when he started to see the bits that the puppeteer considered rotten, he tried to fish them out and see how they worked. They were a part of him, Kiba had said, and he wanted to know every part. So, Kankurou had shown him, whether he meant to or not.  
He saw the insecurity and jealousy when Kiba said the people of Suna were attractive, and he saw the memories of internalized fury when Kankurou showed him the thin scars on his ankles and heels. He saw traces of the nastiness that used to define Kankurou, and what was left of the unresolved issues that came with a toxic but dependent family. He saw the mountain of self doubt when Kankurou told him that shadows looked bigger when you shone a light on them, and Kiba had to pick apart the gloomy poetics to understand that Kankurou noticed these things more clearly next to how happy he felt now.  
But Kiba saw it differently: the light was so bright that the shadows seemed weak. That was eloquent as he could get; beyond that he could only promise that he would be quick to shut down anything Kankurou could do that might hurt him. Kiba wasn't a mild person, after all. He had teeth and a temper and a thick head. If anybody was a match for Kankurou, it was him.  
Most importantly, it all made Kiba feel close to him. The talking, the fighting, the sex, and the goodbyes all served to tangle two hopelessly messy people tighter together. Through all the tumultuous excitement, Kiba felt peaceful. Nothing about Kiba was calm, usually; the essence of him was loud and chaotic. He was boastful, rough, and emotional, and his mind ran full-tilt all the time, but this... This little island he'd found, it made him feel calmer. Life floated on, all bright colours and heavy feelings, with a chain that anchored him to Suna no matter where he got tossed to.

 

Naruto came home. Then Naruto left again, sent flying from the village by a hawk from the Sand village. Kiba had been gone on a mission with his team, having left pleased to see his friend after so long and having come back to learn that, from what they knew, his boyfriend was dying or dead. It wasn't as though Shizune knew what Kankurou was to him, and had only told them of the emergency when Hinata shyly prompted after Naruto's sudden disappearance.  
Kiba didn't know how else to feel but numb. The situation was so serious that he'd risk compromising it by running off right away, and he only knew that because Ino shared what little more SHE knew. So he waited, trying to function as normal as he could while frequently being gripped by panic and anger and all sorts of painful emotions, with nowhere to release any of them. He got reckless during training and bit his hands so often they were starting to constantly ache. Shino remarked that he'd stopped that bad habit years ago, and when it made its return the Aburame threw aside all his dislike for the man that almost took his life and devoted himself to keeping Kiba on track. He couldn't express it at the time, but Kiba was grateful.  
Then the news came, finally, that they were successful and the Kazekage was home safe. Kankurou was alive, thanks to Sakura, and Kiba could breath again. When his friends asked how he was, he covered his fears by bragging that if he'd been there then the idiot would have never gotten into that mess. Kankurou was so hopeless without him.  
But it scared him, really. He'd seen what Kankurou was capable of first hand, how quickly he could cut through people. Figuratively and literally. Knowing he'd been so soundly beaten, for the sake of protecting his Kazekage... Gaara was a target as long as he wore that hat, and in their eyes Kankurou was an obstacle, if not an extension of his powerful younger brother.  
Kiba didn't request leave often. He was a hard worker, and couldn't slow down if he wanted to keep pace with the others. But he did, just this once, packing a bag and putting on civilian clothes to take Akamaru to the Sand Village. He arrived unannounced and nervous.

“It's just a recreational visit,” Kiba assured the guards for the third time, shifting his feet anxiously as one of them spent too long inspecting his passport. He supposed it must be odd to see someone casually wander up to their gates with no purpose, maybe even suspicious considering what had happened. He understood, really, but the heat was sweltering and he worried for Akamaru.  
One of the men seemed to, as well, his gaze constantly darting to where the dog was sagging his head and panting heavily.  
“It checks out,” he muttered, holding his hand out until his partner handed of the passport with a narrow-eyed look in Kiba's direction.  
“Come on, then.”  
Gratefully, Kiba followed one of the men down the steep rock alley and was left with a woman on the other side. She was instructed to escort him to be checked in, and they carried on with no more interruption but to get Akamaru a much needed drink.   
“Sorry they're so tense,” she said when they were almost to their destination. “The other guards, I mean. Everyone is still a little shaken up. Lots of paranoia, lots of rumors going around. Half the village would see Lord Kazekage quarantined just to make sure no one else can hurt him. It's sweet, and incredibly irritating.”  
Kiba managed a weak laugh, shifting the straps of his pack to try and ease the pressure they put on his shoulders. “I understand, I guess. Probably feels like they just wandered right in. I wouldn't trust people for a little while after that, either.”  
“Speaking of which: why ARE you here?”  
She glanced over at him with a curious quirk of her eyebrow and he decided it would do him no harm to be at least a little honest. “I'm friends with his brother. I just wanted to see how he was.”  
That seemed good enough for her. She altered their course slightly and set them on a familiar path towards the large spherical building that loomed above the rest, with a chipper promise to take Kiba right to him.  
She didn't quite deliver, but that was hardly her fault. They got to the Kazekage's building and, after his name was recorded, Kiba found himself sitting in a hallway for close to an hour. It was still uncomfortably warm, but getting off his feet was much appreciated.  
“I'm so sorry.”  
Kiba jumped, his chin lifting up from where it dangled towards his chest. He had dozed off, hands folded on his stomach and legs splayed out to sooth the cramps in his calves. The voice was deep and the smell that hit his noise brought an instant wave of relief and comfort. A smile broke over his face as he looked to where Kankurou was kneeling, both hands cupping Akamaru's head to rub under his ears. He was watching Kiba, though, and smiling tiredly.  
“You're ok,” Kiba muttered weakly, easing himself to his feet and striding over to catch Kankurou in a hug as the other straightened.  
“More or less,” Kankurou buried his face in Kiba's hair, but there was a tightness to his shoulders that even Kiba's drifting hands didn't chase away. “I'd have written, but I didn't think you'd wait long before coming out here.”  
Kiba didn't answer, just sighed happily and nuzzled into the soft fabric of Kankurou's loosely tied shirt. His eyes were a little red and Kiba tasted sleep on him when he leaned up to steal a kiss. He hadn't come right away because he hadn't been awake.  
“You got taller,” Kankurou mumbled idly. “Might be able to look me in the eye, one day.”  
“I was so freaked out,” Kiba whispered into Kankurou's shoulder, arms locking tight around his middle as he forced down all the bile-inducing invasive thoughts that had dogged him since that moment in Tsunade's office. “I thought you were gone and I didn't know what to do. I still don't.”  
“I'm not gone. You don't need to think about it anymore.”  
Kiba blinked, pulling away to look up at him and struggling to read the hard, blank look he'd put onto his face. The words had been harsh. A kind of harsh he'd heard before, but out of place in this moment.   
“What's wrong?”  
“Do you want to stay here? You don't have to go to a motel, you can stay here.”  
“Kankurou-”  
“I have a lot of work to do here, so it would be easier.”  
Kiba let it go, but worry prickled at the back of his neck. Usually that tone of voice would have had his hackles up, but with everything considered he just didn't have it in him to take it personally.  
“Ok,” he conceded, taking Kankurou by the hand and squeezing gently. The gesture seemed to ease the tension, and Kankurou pulled him back in for another kiss. Kiba indulged him, then further tried to lighten the mood by grinning and telling him to brush his teeth.

Kankurou had commandeered a wing of the building for himself, with a bedroom close to Gaara's but work space further removed from were others might wander by. Most importantly, he said, he didn't have to share a bathroom. Gaara somehow got sand everywhere, a miraculous feat for someone who could move it wherever he wanted.  
“I'm glad you're here,” Kankurou muttered as they lay stretched out on his bed, fingers threaded through Kiba's so he had some way to touch him while the Inuzuka boy cooled down. He had tried to cuddle, but Kiba had fought him off and insisted he turn on the fan.  
“Well, Akamaru wouldn't stop whining about coming to see you.”  
The dog huffed irritably from his place in the corner and Kankurou chuckled, “Looks like he's finally accepted me as his other dad.”  
Kiba blinked a few times, then snorted and lifted his head, “You don't get to call yourself that until I see a ring.”  
“You want one?”  
Kiba's jab was thrown back at him and he struggled to try and recover. All he could do to hide his burning face was flop over onto his stomach and get better acquainted with the pillow. Kankurou laughed lowly and got closer, nuzzling the back of his neck. It was a nice gesture, at first, then his fingers started prodding at Kiba's sides until he started jolting.  
“Well?”  
“No, stop it!  
He didn't stop, of course, Kiba's breathing coming out as wheezing giggles as he tried to squirm away across the mattress. “Kankurou, fuck off!”  
“I don't know what you're getting so worked up about, it was a pretty easy question.”  
Kankurou's hands wormed their way up to Kiba's rib cage and he used his weight to help pin him down. It was a very conflicted moment for Kiba, who very much didn't want to be tickled but did quite enjoy having the other man on top of him. But the tickling was relentless, and it quickly overshadowed the small, hopeful thought.  
“Maybe I do!” he cried out, not holding back in trying to nail Kankurou in the stomach with his elbow. He landed a blow, forcing air out of Kankurou's lungs with an amusing 'huff' sound. Rough housing was par the course, Kiba having accidentally left bruises before, but instead of returning to the onslaught Kankurou just eyed him curiously. It was That Look, the one that involved a closed eye and a tilted head. He was sizing Kiba up.  
“That so?” The grin: wide and entirely too full of teeth. It looked scarier when coupled with his face paint, but even without it it made Kiba want to shy away. Dogs did that when they were uncomfortable, and he always had to remind himself that people were different. But how different? Did he just make Kankurou feel uneasy?  
With a firm hand, Kankurou pushed his hip until he rolled onto his back and Kiba felt helpless. Not an entirely bad kind of helpless, but still.  
“You wanna marry me?” Kankurou's leg slid over Kiba's until, along with the warm pressure of his hand, Kiba was loosely trapped. He didn't know whether he wanted to curl up or stretch out to give Kankurou full access to all of him.   
“Don't be a dick,” Kiba grumbled quietly, knowing his frown was lessened by the deep blush but giving it to him anyway. “You know I don't like being made a fool of.”  
“Who says I'm making a fool of you?” Kankurou replied smoothly, the smile softening but becoming no less sly. “Maybe the only thing I'll make of you is an honest man.” Kiba's heart fluttered.  
“Big wedding,” Kankurou purred, leaning in to pepper kisses down his neck. “Romantic honeymoon. Nice little house.” He punctuated each suggestion with a slow kiss that made Kiba melt, and a tickle just to hear him laugh.   
“You can cook me dinner every night.” His tone got more teasing and Kiba snorted, then they both started laughing after he said: “A horde of horrible little children.”  
“Now I know you're messing with me,” Kiba said, grinning wide enough to bare his fangs.  
“I dunno. After the week I've had, I think I'm up for anything.”  
“Uh huh.”  
“Well,” the smooth talk was back as Kankurou pressed their foreheads together, “We can play pretend, can't we?”  
“I like the sound of that,” Kiba matched his tone, but couldn't help but ruin it by adding: “Flip a coin for who gets to be the obedient housewife.”  
“Idiot.” 

Kiba hadn't realized how badly he needed to see Kankurou in the flesh, to know that he was really still alive and kicking. By the time Kiba finally made it to his feet again, the sky had darkened and he felt drained in every possible way. It had started off as teasing, but that particular bout of lovemaking had been long and so emotionally charged that Kiba felt like crying when he finally got release.  
“You alright?” Kankurou murmured from where he lounged against the pillows, much of his upper body decorated with bruises and bite marks. The tightness in his body had melted away when they were done, and Kiba wondered whether he'd also had a lot pent up with no escape.  
“Hm?”  
“Your eyes are a little wet.”  
Kiba wobbled a bit as he moved to the window seeking cooler air, “I'm good. Really good.”  
“You sure?”  
“It's just a lot, y'know? It's overwhelming sometimes.”  
Kankurou snickered and shifted about until he was comfortable, “I know it's big, but you don't have to cry about it.”  
“Shut up,” Kiba mumbled, leaning his elbows on the window sill and sticking his head out into the night with a soft sigh.   
“I know what you mean, though,” Kankurou added with a gentler tone, “I thought about you a lot. I mean... when I could. There wasn't a lot of time for thinking between the loss of consciousness and the delirium, but you were there. Kept thinking I've never said that I love you.”  
It took a moment for those words to register to Kiba, but when they did his stomach started doing gymnastics. He pulled his head in slowly, looking over at Kankurou with wide eyes.  
“You love me?”  
“Of course,” Kankurou glanced at him worriedly. “I guess it's probably hard to tell. I'm not good at this. Any of this. I just kind of trudge through it and hope it goes ok.”  
“I love you too,” Kiba said with as calm and light a voice as he could manage. Too much feeling still came through, but Kiba didn't take it back.  
With a deep breath, Kankurou sat up and turned to put his feet on the floor. Gripped with sudden courage, he did the one thing Kiba always struggled to get him to do: open up.  
“You've changed everything for me,” he said with a slightly winded voice, as though it were an effort to speak. “You're in here, now. That's permanent, and it's terrifying.”  
He had a hand on his chest and was giving a half-grin. Kiba wanted to kiss the corner that rose higher than it's counterpart.   
“When I say I love you I mean: no matter what, the piece of you that altered me is never leaving. I feel so out of control. Because of you, because of everything that happened. But at least with you, I know someone else is in control instead and I'm not just stumbling around.”  
“I don't know how you can think I'm in control,” Kiba said with a weak laugh. “I was a mess. I AM a mess.”  
“It's not anything you do, it's just...” Kankurou chewed on the words for a moment, then said with quiet conviction, “It's just that you exist.”  
Smiling, Kiba closed the distance between them and pulled Kankurou into a hug with his forehead resting against Kiba's bare stomach. Kiba stroked his fingers through his hair, marvelling at how soft it was despite being even more unruly than his own.  
“You're going to hear those words too much, now,” Kiba said with a small laugh, “And read them. I hope you're ready for that.”  
“Can't be any worse than feeling it.”  
“Does it feel bad?” Kiba wasn't hurt by the thought, or even really worried. But he wanted to know.  
“Bad is too strong. It's good, it's always good, it just sometimes digs itself into my guts and twists them all up. And I'm scared for you, not having any way to know whats happening to you until I get the next letter. It's unbearable, not being around to protect the people I love.”  
“This isn't just about me,” Kiba kept stroking his hair, waiting patiently.   
Kankurou's shoulders tensed and he sucked in a deep breath to swallow back whatever emotion was trying to pour out. “I nearly lost him. After everything we've done to get here, after everything I did to try and save him, it almost meant nothing. If you die, and I'm out here, loving you won't mean anything.”  
“But-”  
Kankurou lifted his head suddenly, those intense green eyes locking onto Kiba's with a hardness at their corners, “What good will it be when you need me and I'm not there?”  
“At least I'll know you love me.”  
Kankurou faltered, then sighed and let his head fall back down to rest against Kiba, “Sorry.”  
“I get it. How do you think I felt while you were dying and I was stuck in Konoha?”  
“I know. I'm sorry.”  
Sitting down next to him, Kiba sighed and took him by the hand, “Let's sleep, ok? I want to talk about this, and everything else, but-”  
“Yeah, you're right. I've got a daily l imit for feeling, anyway,” Kankurou laughed and leaned over to give Kiba a slow and meaningful kiss. “Tomorrow.”  
“Mhm.”  
When they laid down and Kankuro pressed up against Kiba's back, Kiba didn't fuss. He was just thankful that the other man was there to make him overheated.


	10. Another Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming down from the chaos leading up to Madara's war, there's a shift in Kiba's life, self, and relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile since I could work on this, but with all the amazing support and comments I feel like this story needs a proper end. It's been so nice to see how much people enjoy it, and I can't describe how flattering and encouraging it is to see that people enjoy my portrayal of these two characters that I have loved for so many years. 
> 
> This chapter is going to feel rushed, but it's something of a bridge so I can move on to the next bulk of the story instead of continuing to struggle with how to continue. It's also been a long time since I read/watched this part of it so I'm sorry if any of it seems off or wrong! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and leaving kudos and comments! I love you!

Gaara's abduction was a tipping point for many things. The spiral didn’t revolve around the Kazekage, but it did begin with him and the events that followed were so much more harrowing than they could have anticipated.

Three years ago, dipping his toes into the world of the shinobi, Kiba couldn’t have imagined where that particular current would carry him. He thought he'd seen the worst of it the times he almost died, but they were like drops in the ocean. Monsters with unbelievable power, some in the shape of men. Demons, both bestial and not, turning the world upside down like the old stories. Even on the outskirts, as he was, Kiba had close calls. There was barely a moment to breath once things were set in motion.

When Pain came to the village, that was the point of no return. Everything was different. People died, lots of them, and even though it was all undone in the end, it served as a reminder for how quickly things could change.

Kiba felt lonelier than ever, but always took solace in the belief that it had to end sometime. The death of Asuma, tangling with the three-tailed beast, all the smaller conflicts of a growing, global problem… they could only stack so high. Every bad situation he walked away from was just another rung on the ladder.

He held onto his vision of the future: Hokage, and if not that then most accomplished Inuzuka in the history of his village. With Kankurou every day, and if not that then in love from across the world.

But he had been hearing from him less. The letters he did get were rife with the insecurities that came in the beginning. The problems were so much bigger now. Kiba teetered between angry and needy. No, he wouldn’t call it that. Needy sounded like he didn’t deserve more. He did.

He knew it had been colouring the way he acted. He knew, but didn’t know how to keep the frustration in check. When Ino cried over Sasuke, he believed everything he said out loud about why her crying was useless, why they had to do what they had to do, but underneath all that her tears just tightened the ache in his own chest.

Crying was useless. Crying wouldn’t make everything the way it was before shit started to go south. It wouldn’t make Kankurou show up and kiss him while his eyes were closed. All he could do was push forward, get stronger, work harder, and wait.

Tailed beasts and formidable gangs of legendary criminals… The whole mess with Sasuke. All of it boiling down to the last hurdle: war.

 

It was over. Kiba was tired beyond description, all his bluster gone with the last moments of celebration. He sat on the edge of a patch of destruction. Not even the biggest, but still torn apart by the fighting. People were out there, searching among the rubble. Behind him, they swarmed among the tents where medics still treated the wounded. With the excitement gone, it was becoming evident it wasn’t just their bodies that were battered.

It was hard to think. It was hard to WANT to think. The feeling of loss was heavy. The feeling of fear still clinging as he waited.

Outlying troops were still trickling back in to join the bulk of the army, all having fought their own battles in the fringes. Kankurou was supposed to be among them, but after hours of waiting Kiba had had to walk away to keep his emotions in check. And to show respect to the siblings who had more cause to linger and worry. Gaara had urged him to stay, but the moment his presence was addressed his eyes began to sting. He had left without another word.

Running his fingers through Akamaru's fur, Kiba looked to the distance where the remnants of the giant tree could still be seen. He thought about the dream he had, about becoming Hokage, about that stupid playful proposal coming true.

“I think we should go on vacation or something,” he muttered to the dog, Akamaru not moving his head from Kiba's lap but huffing his lips out in response.

There was a sudden swell of people as yet another group returned, everyone picking up the pace in response to new arrivals. Kiba grimaced at the noise, at the smells, put his hand over his nose and leaned forward to bury his face in Akamaru's neck. Painful emotions tried to force their way up his throat again. It wasn’t just that he thought Kankurou must be dead; it was everything. It had been easy to holler and cheer and bare his teeth when the adrenaline was high and he was half sure he wasn’t going to see the next morning. To go out yelling at the top of his lungs was easy. To sit and wait, not knowing where he would be when it was all done… that was so hard.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

As he lifted his head, Akamaru whined and licked his chin. Kiba moved back in to hug him, then stood with as calm a face as he could muster. His voice shook despite his best efforts.

“I need some grub.”

When he turned he was surprised to see his mother watching him, waiting patiently for him to get up and notice her. She didn’t move it call him over, just held one arm out. It was hard not to run over like he used to when he skinned his knee.

“Are you alright?”

“As alright as anyone else,” Kiba answered her with a grin, hands shoving deep into the pockets of his vest. “Better than some.”

He glanced towards one of the closer tents. It seemed normal now, but more than once he'd heard awful wailing. It was beyond just pain.

“Some people lose their grip right away, once the pressure is off” Tsume explained with sympathy. Her usually brash attitude was sidelined for a more somber tone. “Most people take time for it to sink in. Some people never slip at all. They’ll be ok.”

“Yeah. How’s Hana?”

“Resting. You should be as well. I’ve set up-”

“I’m not really in the mood for sleeping.”

Tsume hesitated, then rested a hand on top of his head and sighed, “suppose I cant be babying you anymore, after we went through this together. I’m here when you need me.”

When, not if. She knew, and so did he, but he just smiled and continued passed her with no set destination. He couldn't talk about it right away, all of it still fresh and stinging like abrasions just under the surface.

He followed the smell of food. Actual cooked food in place of efficient rations sounded like a dream, right then, and he clearly wasn't the only one who thought so. People were packed into the makeshift mess hall, talking loudly, some cheerfully, and shovelling food into their mouths like they hadn't eaten for days. Kiba's stomach growled in response.

As they pressed through the crowd, a few people offered Akamaru bits of food and compliments, evidently having either seen or heard about what he'd done. What they'd done together. But if all they'd seen was a giant dog, even one with three heads, it was easy to assume a dog was just a dog. Or maybe it was just easier to talk to Akamaru, right then. Kiba just scratched at his ears once they ended up in line, then got each of them a full plate.

 

It was too crowded to stay, but putting something in his belly definitely made him feel more steady. He took his time, still struggling with the whirlwind in his head and the soreness in his bones. Akamaru, however, ate with enough force to push the plate along the ground with his nose.

“I thought you'd be with your friends.”

Kiba's heart leapt up into his throat, the plate nearly tipping out of his hand as he turned at the waist. He hadn't been channelling any chakra, but it snapped into action about halfway through Kankurou's sentence. His smell flooded Kiba's nose, told him it wasn't a fake or a trick, and it was like something uncoiled in his chest. The thought that he should leap up and run over popped into his head, but he found himself rooted to the spot.

“I was,” Kiba answered weakly, shifting to sit sideways on the log he'd chosen as a seat. Kankurou closed the distance, looking worse-for-wear and a little more sunken than normal. “I'm just... processing.”

“Yeah, I'm not ready to do that,” Kankurou answered with a short laugh, looking down at his feet before taking a seat and shifting more times than he needed to. “Seems like I missed out on the main event.”

“Doesn't look like you had much more fun than we did,” Kiba put the food down behind him, then gripped his hands tightly together on his lap. “But it's over.”

“Mhm. Are you ok?”

“Not yet, but I will be.”

Silence settled and Kiba used it to take Kankurou in. When he'd gone to the land of Iron, they'd managed to catch each other long enough to soothe their worries for a short while, but it seemed liked forever ago since they'd been this close.

“I heard about Neji,” Kankurou said suddenly and uncertainly. “I'm not sure how close you were, but I'm sure-”

“Close enough,” Kiba muttered, shrugging and scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Hinata-”

“Yeah.”

Again they fell into silence, but it was tense and only lasted long enough for Kankurou to make his mind up about something. When he spoke, it had the feeling of a confession.

“I went and found Shino before I found you.”

Kiba blinked, surprised not just by the statement but by the fact that he'd called him by something other than Aburame or Bug-Boy.

“Guess I felt like I should tell him about Muta myself.”

“What happened?”

“He...” again, Kankurou struggled with what he wanted to say, but this time ended simply, “Died.”

“Oh...”

Looking back towards the bulk of the camp, Kiba itched to go back. He wasn't sure what he'd do, but it seemed like the right thing. Shino was tough, but-

“I think he's with his family, now.”

Kiba chewed on the inside of his cheeks until he tasted blood. He'd imagined a dramatic reunion at the beginning, before the fighting started. Like a scene from one of those plays Kankurou told him about, the ones he knew he couldn't sit through but liked hearing about regardless. Floods of relief and joy and all that messy business. That wasn't what he felt. He was grateful—so grateful—but his arms felt like lead. Underneath it, a small irrational piece of his might thought that if touched Kankurou, he would dissipate.

“I'm glad you're alive,” Kankurou said lowly, pulling off his hat and running a hand through his flattened hair, “I hated being away. My brother and sister... the stuff they went through, I should have been there. And you, out here. I felt like I was stranded, not knowing anything.”

“I was lucky. I didn't have time to think until it was over.”

Kiba didn't know what to do. Suddenly, he felt like sleeping was the only thing that might help him scramble his way back to normalcy. He started to spiral a bit, so many things bubbling between his ribs, then Kankurou reached out to wrap his fingers around Kiba's.

 


End file.
